Where are Your Yonkers?

Table of Contents

(Last modified on July 2, 2009)

Titles I'm Considering

Disclaimer

Humorous Classroom Stories


Girls’ Basketball Couch
Jocking and Toking
Arlin Billingsley - Testies
How Many Wives Did Henry VIII Have?
How Could a Dead Boy Write Poems?
Where Are Your Yonkers?
This Game is for Seven Inch Studs (R rated)
Moaning Like a Mournful Whale in Labor
Oops! Pull up Those Pants!


I Taught a Genius


Let’s Talk about Aphrodite
Do You Walk in Your Sleep?
Boy, Did I Feel Like a Jerk
A Bicycle and a Blackboard
Ten Years Later
Bay Area Scholar


Driver Training Stories


Take the Next Left
Roll the Window Down and Back Up (Bad Word Order)
Turn Right At the Next Stop Sign


Grammar


Parts of Speech


Noun
Pronoun
Adjective
Conjunction
Verb
Adverb
Interjection
Preposition
Article


Ways to Use a Noun in a Sentence


Brief Quiz
Answers


Punctuation


Introduction
Apostrophe
Brackets
Bullets
Colon
Comma
Ellipses
Em Dash
En Dash
Exclamation
Hyphen
Parentheses
Period
Question Mark
Quotation Marks
Semicolon
Compound Punctation
With Quotation Marks
With parentheses and brackets


Usage


Parallel Structure
Dangling Modifiers
Redundancies
Active and Passive Voice
Subject-Verb Agreement
Articles
Numbers
Problem Words


Writing


Writing the Four Paragraph Essay
Bibliographic Forms
Granada's English Department Style Format Sheet
Writing a Poem

No More
Martyred One
The Stained Madonna
Dumber ‘n Paint?


Spelling


Frequently Misspelled Words
Spell Checker? by Jerry Zar


Vocabulary


100 Most Commonly Used Words on the SAT
Password Words

Difficult Words
Easier Words

Dead Words
Vocabulary Roots
Vocabulary Roots compiled by Steve Sneeringer
Vocabulary Lessons
Our Crazy English Language

The Van Gogh Family Tree
More Inconsistencies in English
Ough (or should it be, "Ouch"?)
Enough Women?


Essays


"Lest We Forget" by Jim Willis
"A Pure Role Model" by my son, Kenon Willis
Hebrew, Scholarship, Hot Dogs
Education and Authority by Kenon Willis


Stories


"Barrington Bunny" by Martin Bell
Parables Written by My Brother, Robert J. Willis

"Mr. Rose"
"The Doorway"

"The Barge People" by James Carroll


Miscellaneous


How to Write "Good"
"A 'History' of the World," compiled by Richard Lederer
Country Western Titles


Dedication

Disclaimer

The stories I tell from my own classroom are true. Some of the others may or may not be apocryphal. Also, many of the lists about grammar and writing (e.g. "How to Write Good") I picked up along the way, but I have no idea who actually wrote them and am unable to find out. I hope this doesn’t constitute plagiarism.



Possible Titles For My Book

Oops! Please Pull up Your Pants!

Needed: A Girls’ Basketball Couch.

Imagine This: I Taught English for 35 Years!

If Henry VIII had Six Wives, Why Wasn’t He Henry VI?!

Are You Sure You Want to Be a Teacher?

Where Are Your Yonkers?

Humorous Classroom Stories

Lack of Editing

Ever since I began teaching at Granada, the school has put out a daily sheet of information for students, entitled, "El Aviso Del Dia." One September sheet had the following message: "There are now three applicants for the position of girls’ basketball couch. Is anyone else interested in the position?" How about that for an offer? The editing improved after that day!



Jocking and Toking

About midway through Act Three of Eugene O’Neill’s masterpiece, Long Day’s Journey Into Night, the character, Mary says to her husband, James, "It must be much more cheerful in the barrooms uptown, where there are people you can talk and joke with."

A female student of mine, reading the part of Mary and apparently reading too fast, said, "It must be much more cheerful in the barrooms uptown, where there are people you can jock and toke with." My response was, "Sounds like more fun than talking and joking!"



Arlin Billingsley (the name is changed to protect the "innocent")— Testies

Arlin Billingsley was a Social Science teacher for many years at Granada. He was a brilliant man and a fine teacher, but he was known to give extremely difficult tests. His quizzes, on the other hand, were not so difficult.

One day, at the start of class, he said, "Okay, kiddies, today we’re going to have a little quizzy." As it turned out, the quiz was anything but easy. Near the end of the class, a female student approached him and said, "Gee, Mr. Billingsley, if that was one of your quizzies, I’d sure hate to see one of your testies!" For maybe the only time in his life, Billingsley was speechless!



How Many Wives Did Henry VIII Have?

For years, I taught my students the Robert Bolt play, A Man for All Seasons. I would always preface the play by talking about sixteenth century England: the Reformation, the Inquisition, Henry VIII, Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, etc.

Early on in the lecture, I would ask who was a famous king of the time. The answer, of course, was Henry VIII. I would then ask what he was famous for, and someone would always come up with the fact that he had so many wives and had some of them executed. I would then ask how many wives he had. Some student would eventually say, "six."

One year, a girl then shouted out, "Mr. Willis, how many wives did he have?" I said, "six." She responded, "Six! Well then, why wasn’t he Henry VI?" I then tried to give an answer even she could understand.



How Could a Dead Boy Write Poems?

I have two more stories about that same student. Near the end of Scene Two in Tennessee Williams’ A Streetcar Named Desire, Stanley, seeing some letters in Blanche’s trunk asks, "What in hell are they." Blanche responds, "Poems a dead boy wrote." You guessed it! My "Henry VI" girl asks, "How could a dead boy write poems?" I explained that he probably wrote them BEFORE he died. Her response was, "Oh!"



Where Are Your Yonkers?

One last story about this memorable student: in Act One of Arthur Miller’s classic, Death of a Salesman, Happy asks his traveling salesman dad, Willy Loman, "What brought you back tonight?" Willy responds, "I got an awful scare, Nearly hit a kid in Yonkers."

Oh no. You can probably guess whose hand went up, right? She asked me the following, "Where are your yonkers?" I then had to explain that Yonkers was a geographical location, a city in New York, not an anatomical body part. I was actually sorry when she graduated!



This Game is for Seven-Inch Studs

(This story is at least R rated)

A Streetcar Named Desire ends with an interesting line. A very minor character, Steve, says, "This game is seven-card stud." The main character, Blanche, had just been "carted off" to a mental institution, and the line basically means, "So there’s tragedy in the world; so the Blanches of the world go crazy; so what? We have to get back to the game of life, back to the card game."

The male student who was reading Steve obviously had plenty of time to look ahead, as he only had one other line in the last 90 minutes of the play. He recited the final line, "This game is for seven-inch studs!"

After getting the class back under control, I asked what the final line meant. Of course, I meant Williams’ final line. A girl in the back of the room raised her hand and said, "Well, I guess it means only the BIG BOYS can play!"



Moaning Like a Mournful Whale in Labor

In the narration at the beginning of Act Three of O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night, there is the statement, "From a lighthouse beyond the harbor’s mouth, a foghorn is heard at regular intervals, moaning like a mournful whale in labor"

I made the mistake one time of saying to the class, "Can you imagine giving birth to a whale?" By the way, at the time, I weighed considerably more than 200 pounds. A student, in fact my oldest son, Robert, answered from the back of the room, "No, but I’ll go ask my grandma!" We had a soul-to-soul conversation that night. I just don’t know from whom he got his sick humor.



Oops! Pull up Your Pants!

In early June of 2002, I was discussing some "crucial" topic with my Sophomore Honors' English class. Standing near the podium (thank God!), I thrust my arms up into the air to emphasize some point. Now, you need to know that I had lost 40 pounds in the few preceding months as I was battling with cancer, and so my pants were a "tad" too large for me. As my arms shot OUT, my pants shot DOWN - all the way to the floor.

I leapt behind the podium, bent over, pulled my coverings back up, and then put my head down on the podium and absolutely shook with laughter. The class, of course, was in a total uproar.About a minute or so later, I looked up at the students, and they informed me afterwards that I was beet red, including my entire bald head. One girl then said, "Mr. Willis, I just definitely saw more than I ever needed to!"

The word quickly spread around the school, and I was beseiged with questions like "Boxers or Briefs?" My response was "Pink Speedo!"

About two weeks later, at the end-of-the-year, faculty luncheon, Granada's VP, Jeanne Rogers, was presenting awards. She said, "We have had a new dress code this year, and there have been many student violations. However, the worst violation was by a member of the staff. Jim Willis, can you possibly explain yourself?" Of course, I then had to retell the story to the entire faculty. Jeanne presented me with a certificate, stating,


Pants need to be in an "upright" position at all times.
When in a weight loss program, remember to buy new clothes (especially underwear).
Tighten your belt.
Stay behind your podium when addressing (not UNDRESSING in front of) your classes to cover any emergencies.

I Taught a Genius

In approximately the summer of 1976, I received a call from a mother, asking if her son could take Latin from me in the Fall. I replied, "Of course. Have him sign up like any other student." She said, "Well, this situation is a little unusual. John Patrick is seven!" In my dumbfounded state, I stupidly inquired, "As in years old?" "Yes." I asked if I could have a few days to think it over.

In the meantime, the head of the local GATE program (Gifted And Talented Students - the acronym should have been GATS, or, in my ever increasing forgetfulness, I can’t recall what the "E" represented) called me to suggest I take John as a student. He was in the third grade at Sonoma Elementary, was totally bored, had already read a great share of the classics, was "into" Calculus in his spare time, and his parents refused to have him keep skipping grades, as that would only make him more of a social misfit. So, of course, being the kind, dedicated teacher I am, I said, "Let’s do it."

So John Patrick Hunt was one of the 25 or so students in my Latin 1 class in September of 1976. The majority of the others were very bright freshmen, plus there were a few upper classmen who had previously taken an English class from me.

At first, the class reaction to John Patrick was very positive. The girls, especially, thought he was so cute, and they sort of mothered in. But when this little human being was obviously the best student in the class, that created problems. I called his mother about the third day, for instance, and suggested that she discuss with John the fact that maybe it would be better if he didn’t wave his hand demonstratively on every question. I also told her that a sensed an antagonism quickly building up against him. Her heart-to-heart with her son seemed to be effective.



Here are some memorable incidents with John.

Let’s Talk about Aphrodite

We translated a story about the Greek goddess of love, Aphrodite. I asked the class if they could think of any English words derived from her name. A few hands went up. I had developed the habit of NOT calling on John if other hands were raised, but this one I just had to hear from the seven-year-old.

"Yes, John, what word?" His reply was "aphrodisiac." I then queried, "Very good. "What’s an aphrodisiac?" His answer still echoes in my ears 26 years later.

"An aphrodisiac is a substance purported to induce sensual pleasure." A large senior football player in the back of the room said, "Huh? Does he mean a Spanish Fly?" By the way, I think that is the only time in my now 34 years of teaching that I have ever heard anyone use the verb, "purported."



Do You Walk in Your Sleep?

We came across the word, "somnus," meaning sleep. I then asked the class the following question: "Can anyone combine that Latin noun with a Latin verb we have learned previously to form an English compound noun?

I’m not sure that anyone understood the question more or less knew the answer. The ONLY hand, you guessed it, to go up was little John’s. He said, "somnambulist."



"Correct. What’s a somnambulist, John."

"A sleepwalker." I then explained that the "ambulist" suffix comes from "ambulare," Latin for "to walk." The class then discussed the meanings of "amble," "ambulatory," "non-ambulatory," "ambulance," "insomnia," "Sominex," "somniferous," etc.

After class I asked John how he happened to know such a word. His reply spoke volumes. "I don’t know. I read it somewhere."



Boy, Did I Feel Like a Jerk!

We were reading a story with references to the Trojan War. I asked if anyone had read an account of the war. John said he had read Homer’s Iliad twice. "Have you also read The Odyssey? "Of course I have." My next questions proves I have a little bit of a jerk in me

"John, you have surely then read The Aeneid!

"Is that by Vergil, Mr. Willis? No I haven’t. I’m sorry."

I turned to a student near me and said, "Gee whiz! The kid’s pushing eight years old, and he hasn’t read The Aeneid yet. I am shocked!"

The next day, while taking roll, I noticed John wasn’t very attentive. I walked back by his desk, and he was on about page 100 of Vergil’s classic, Boy, did I feel like a jerk! I learned later that he was upset that he had disappointed me. As brilliant as he was, he needed to learn the subtleties of my "humor." I still feel guilty about that story.



A Bicycle and a Blackboard

Daily, John would ride his little bike from Sonoma Elementary the three or so blocks to Granada High School. He asked me if he could keep his bike in my room, as he feared someone would steal it. I really doubted that, but I agreed.

One day, he arrived while I was distracted, and Steve Kehl, the football player mentioned earlier and the one student who treated John the best, grabbed his bike and hung it from the hooks at the top of the blackboard. Many of us "mature" males tend to show that we like others by crude remarks or sometimes cruel actions. Steve was only picking on John in a way that said, "I’m your buddy."

Again, John needed to learn the subtleties of such "humor." I turned around just in time to hear John say, "Cease and desist, you big lummox!" Steve headed directly for the dictionary!



Ten Years Later

In 1987, John was again in my class - this time as a senior in my English Lit. class. It was a little intimidating for me to have a student who was so much smarter than I. (At least I said "I" instead of "me." I hope you’re impressed!). I found myself looking out of the corner of my eye whenever I made a statement I was less than 100% sure of. Only once did he challenge me, and he did it very politely. He said, "Mr. Willis, you just said that that passage included a reference to "da-da-da." I think it’s really a reference to "dee-dee-dee."

I replied, "Maybe you are right, John, but I don’t think so. That night, after an hour or so of research, I was able to prove that he was RIGHT, not I. I guess this only substantiates my slight level of imperfection!



Bay Area Scholar

One final John Patrick Hunt story! His senior year (1987), he was one of a handful of high school students named to a Bay Area Academic All Star Team. As part of the award, there was a recognition dinner held in a prestigious San Francisco hotel.

Each of the honorees was asked to tell his college of choice and to write about the most influential teacher in his life. Of course, in all false humility, I assumed John would write about me. Wrong! He wrote the following letter:

(I’m still hunting down this clipping, but the letter basically said that Mr. Arlin Billingsley was his most influential teacher because he was SO arrogant and so pedantic that John would study a subject for hours just to catch him in a mistake.)

Invited to the dinner were the honorees and their parents, as well as the "favorite" teachers.

Mrs. Hunt told me years later that the tension at their table was palpable. She, her husband, and John were okay until the M.C. said, "I have good news. We DO have time for each of our fine students to read their letter about their "favorite" teacher. Mr. "Billingsley" smugly awaited his turn at glory. The Hunts were looking for the nearest hole to crawl into.

But, remember, John is a genius. He somehow induced an upset stomach, had to leave the dinner, and thus didn’t have the opportunity to present his "tribute." Arlin, of course, was disappointed.

However, the next morning’s paper had pictures and bios of the winners, and it printed the letters. I cut it out, and when I went to Billingsley’s teacher’s box to put the article in it, his box was stuffed with probably a score of similar clippings. Arlin wasn’t very visible around campus for the next few weeks!

Driver Training Stories

For over 20 years, I taught driver training for three hours daily after school. One would think that an English teacher should be clear in communicating. Well the following three stories almost caused major problems.

Take the Next Left

As we were approaching the busiest downtown intersection in Livermore, and were in the left lane of two lanes, I told the student driver to turn left at the next light. He said, "Left?’ My response was "Right." You guessed it: from the left lane, he started a right turn. I slammed on my brake, barely avoiding another car, and asked what the heck he was doing. He answered, "Well, you said ‘right.’"

From that point on, I began using the undignified response, "yup."



Roll the Window Down and Back Up (Bad Word Order)

It was raining heavily. We had the wipers on, the front window defroster, and the back window defogger. However, we were in the right lane on a busy day downtown, stopped at a stoplight, and I knew we soon had to change lanes preparatory to making a left turn. The driver’s window was fogged up, and I knew he would have trouble looking in his outside mirror. Therefore, I said to him, "Roll your window down and back up." That way, he could eliminate some of the window’s fog.

He looked over at me puzzledly, rolled his window down, put the car in reverse, and moved his foot toward the accelerator. I slammed on the brake, as there was another stopped car directly behind us. Upset, I inquired what was he thinking! He said, "Well, you told me to roll the window down and then back up!"

I, of course, intended him to roll the window down and up, not put the car in reverse. Bad communication can kill you, even if you are an English teacher!



Turn Right at the Next Stop Sign

Most beginning drivers are very nervous and extremely obedient. One time, as we were midway through a block, I told the male driver to turn right at the next stop sign. I got the words, "turn right" out, and he turned right - right into the curb! I wonder what would have happened if I had asked him to turn left.

Beginning that day, I would always phrase such commands this way: "At the next stop sign, (pause, and let that information sink in), turn right. My life got easier.

Grammar

Parts of Speech


1. Noun - the name of a person, place, thing, idea, or action.


a) Subject - answers "who" or "what" before the verb.
b) Possessor - the noun that possesses something and has an apostrophe on it.
c) Direct Object - answers "whom" or "what" after the action verb.
d) Indirect Object - answers "to whom" or "to what" after a verb like "give" or "tell."
e) Object of a Preposition - the noun following the preposition.
f) Predicate Noun - equals the subject and comes after a "being" (linking) verb.
g) Appositive - a second noun further explaining the preceding noun and separated from it by a comma and not by a "being" verb.
h) Direct Address - the noun that is specifically named and spoken to in the sentence.


2. PRONOUN - takes the place of a noun.

3. ADJECTIVE - describes the noun or pronoun.

4. CONJUNCTION - a joining word. (FANBOYS)

5. VERB - a word that expresses action or state of being.


a) Person - 1st (speaker), 2nd (one spoken to), 3rd (one spoken about)
b) Number - whether the subject of the verb is singular or plural.
c) Tense - the time of the verb.

1a. Simple present - (I carry)
1b. Progressive present - (I am carrying)
1c. Emphatic present - (I do carry)
2a. Simple future - (I will carry, I shall carry)
2b. Progressive future - (I will be carrying, I shall be carrying)
3a. Simple present perfect - (I carried, I have carried)
3b. Progressive present perfect - (I have been carrying)
3c. Emphatic present perfect - (I did carry)
4a. Simple past perfect - (I had carried)
4b. Progressive past perfect - (I had been carrying)
5a. Simple future perfect - (I will have carried, I shall have carried)
5b. Progressive future perfect - (I will have been carrying, I shall have been carrying)
6a. Simple imperfect - (I used to carry, I kept on carrying)
6b. Progressive imperfect - (I was carrying)
THE ABOVE EXAMPLES ARE ALL ACTIVE VOICE, INDICATIVE MOOD.


d) Voice - whether the subject is the doer of verb (active voice) or the receiver of the verb’s action (passive voice).
e) Mood - whether the sentence is a statement of fact or a question (indicative mood), a command (imperative mood), or a condition or mild wish (subjunctive mood).


6. ADVERB - describes a verb, adjective, or another adverb.

7. INTERJECTION - an exclamation, utterance, or expletive.

8. PREPOSITION


1.aboard
2.about
3.above
4.according to
5.ahead of
6.across
7.after
8.against
9.along
10.alongside
11.amid
12.among
13.apart from
14.around
15.as far as
16.as to
17.at
18.back of
19.because of
20.before
21.behind
22.below
23.beneath
24.beside
25.besides
26.between
27.beyond
28.but (except)
29.by
30.by reason of
31.concerning
32.contrary to
33.despite
34.down
35.due to
36.during
37.except
38.except for
39.for;
40.from
41.in;
42.into
43.inside
44.near
45.next to
46.of
47.off
48.off of
49.on
50.opposite
51.out
52.out of
53.over
54.past
55.per
56.prior to
57.since
58.through
59.throughout
60.till
61.to
62.toward
63.towards
64.under
65.underneath
66.until
67.up
68.upon
69.up to
70.via
71.with
72.within
73.without


9. ARTICLE - the (definite article); a, an (indefinite articles)

Ways to Use a Noun in a Sentence

A noun is the name of a person, place, thing, idea, or action.

a) Subject - answers "who" or "what" before the verb.

b) Possessor - the noun that possesses something and has an apostrophe on it.

c) Direct Object - answers "whom" or "what" after the action verb.

d) Indirect Object - answers "to whom" or "to what" after a verb like "give" or "tell."

e) Object of a Preposition - the noun following the preposition.

f) Predicate Noun - equals the subject and comes after a "being" (linking) verb.

g) Appositive - a second noun further explaining the preceding noun and separated from it by a comma and not by a "being" verb.

h) Direct Address - the noun that is specifically named and spoken to in the sentence.

Quiz

How is the word, "boy" used in the following sentences?

1.The boy's car is a Corvette.

2.Bill is a very stubborn boy.

3.Why are you sleeping in class, boy?

4.I told the boy a funny joke.

5.Bill, that boy, is very stubborn.

6.The teacher disciplined that boy.

7.That boy was disciplined by the teacher.

8.The teacher was upset with that boy.

9.Boy, you are asking for trouble!

10.Steve was the boy who got in trouble.

11.Steve was the boy's friend who got in trouble.

12.The teacher finally learned the truth about the boy.

13.Because he told the truth, the boy didn't get in trouble.

14.Because he told the truth, his mother didn't punish the boy.

15.Steve, the boy who got in trouble, is in my class.

16.His mother gave that boy a lecture.

17.In the following sentence, which word is the direct object? As of last Friday night, my stock was worth two thousand dollars.

18.In the following sentence, which word is the predicate noun? According to the principal, Bill's brother is the thief.

19.In the following sentence, which word is the possessor? According to the principal, Bill's brother is the thief.

20.In the following sentence, which word is the subject? According to the principal, Bill's brother is the thief.



Answers

1. possessor 2. predicate noun 3. direct address 4. indirect object 5. appositive 6. direct object 7. subject 8. object of a preposition 9. direct address (it could also be an interjection) 10. predicate noun 11. possessor 12. object of a preposition 13. subject 14. direct object 15. appositive 16. indirect object 17. dollars 18. thief 19. Bill’s 20. brother



Jim Willis’ Punctuation Guide

Introduction

A female student of mine once complained that "Punctuation is stupid. What good are commas and stuff? Who needs them?" I responded by showing her two of my favorite examples of the importanceof punctuation, and here they are:

Woman without her man means nothing at all.

I asked her if she agreed with that sentence, and, of course, she violently disagreed. Then I punctuated the sentence in the following way:

Woman: without her, man means nothing at all.
All of a sudden, she thought the sentence made perfect sense.

A second example deals with the difference between an appositive and direct address.

Call me fool if you like.
Call me, fool, if you like.

Apostrophe

1a. Use an apostrophe to signal possession.


The girl’s dress is pretty. (one girl, one dress)

The girl’s dresses are pretty. (one girl, many dresses)

The girls’ dresses are pretty. (many girls, many dresses)

The girls’ dress is pretty. (many girls, one dress [a poor family])

Note: Often, using the possessive form may create an awkward adjective-noun pair. If so, rewrite the sentence, using a noun and a prepositional phrase beginning with of.

The Nuclear Test–Experimental Science Program’s accomplishments were revolutionary. (awkward use of the possessive)

The accomplishments of the Nuclear Test–Experimental Science Program were revolutionary. (better)

James’s expertise is in microbiology.

Note: Although the word "James" ends with an s, the possessive form demands an ’s because it is sounded in speech.


1b. Use an apostrophe to signal the omission of a letter (or letters) as in a contraction.


It’s a warm day.

They’ve had a bad time.

Note: It’s is a contraction, meaning "it is" or "it has." Its is a possessive pronoun, meaning "belongs to it." In general, avoid using contractions in technical reports.

Its color has faded.

Brackets

2a. Use brackets to function as parentheses within parentheses.


The two presidents (one from the University of California at Los Angeles [UCLA} and the other from Stanford) are collaborating on the project.


2b. Use brackets to enclose editorial comments.


I saw three mooses [sic] in Yellowstone.

Bullets

3a. Use bullets to introduce items that are not sequential.


I see the following as some of the important characteristics of a good teacher:
• A solid background in the subject matter.

• A desire to stay current by exhaustive reading in the subject matter.

• A love of learning.

• A love of students.

• An ability to command respect.

• A large dose of patience.

Note: If the items are sequential, use numbers instead of bullets.

We divided our assignment into four tasks: (1) gathering the data, (2) organizing the material gathered, (3) preparing a rough draft, and (4) writing the final copy.

Colon

4a. Use a colon to introduce a list.


The leader’s talk dealt with many topics: consistency, uniformity, professionalism, loyalty, and attendance at social functions.


4b. Use a colon to separate two independent clauses when the second clause is an explanation of the first.

My good friend, Dan, has a definite opinion about all incumbent politicians: throw the bums out!

His facial expression signified one thing: total interest in what she was saying.

Comma

5a. Use a comma to separate two independent clauses that are joined by a conjunction. (An independent clause is a group of words including a verb that could stand alone as a sentence.)


I went to the store, and I bought bread.

Note: "I went to the store" is an independent clause and could therefore stand alone as a sentence. The same is true of "I bought bread."

I went to the store and bought bread.

Note: "I went to the store" is an independent clause, but "bought bread" is not and therefore cannot stand alone as a sentence. It is thus incorrect to put a comma before "and."


5b. Use a comma to separate elements in a series.


He likes football, basketball, baseball, and soccer.

Note: The final comma in the series, referred to as the serial comma, is optional, but I prefer to use it to avoid ambiguity.


5c. Use a comma to separate an introductory clause or phrase from the main part of the sentence.


Although we are improving our understanding of male-female relationships, many questions remain unanswered.

Because you are such an intelligent person, you surely can understand all of these examples.

Note: If the clause or phrase follows the main part of the sentence, do not use a comma.

You surely can understand all of these examples because you are such an intelligent person.


5d. Use a comma on both sides of an appositive to separate it from the rest of the sentence. (An appositive is inserted material that further explains or means the same as the preceding term.)


President Bush and General Secretary Gorbachev, the leaders of the two great superpowers, signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty on July 31, 1991.

My wife, Claudia, is a bright and sensitive woman.

Note: Such abbreviations as Jr., Inc., and Ltd. are similar to appositives and are set off by commas.


5e. Use a comma to separate a person(s) or thing(s) directly addressed from the rest of the sentence.


I am very fortunate, Claudia, to have met you.

Rover, fetch my slippers!


5f. Use a comma to separate two or more consecutive adjectives.


It was a violent, heated discussion.

Note: If the first adjective describes the second adjective and not the noun or if it describes the combination of the second adjective and the noun, do not use a comma between the two adjectives.

We are pursuing collaborative research programs with the former Soviet Union.

She has fiery red hair.


5g. Use a comma to separate inserted, additional, unessential, or nonrestrictive material from the rest of the sentence.


It is obvious to me, although not apparent to everyone else, that the world is a beautiful place.

John, who lives next door to me, works in Oakland.

Note: Do not set off restrictive (essential) material with a comma.

All students who are caught cheating on tests will flunk. (The who clause is essential to the meaning of the sentence.)

All water wells that have an unsafe level of contaminants must be immediately shut down. (essential, restrictive)

Note: Use the relative pronoun that to introduce a restrictive clause, but use the relative pronoun which to introduce a nonrestrictive clause.

The theory of relativity, which was one of Einstein’s greatest contributions to science, was a revolutionary theory. (unessential, nonrestrictive)

The theory that all men are created equal is tested in the U.S. in many ways. (essential, restrictive)

Note: As a rule, if the material can be deleted from the sentence without destroying the sentence’s meaning, the material is nonrestrictive and is set off by commas. However, if the material is deleted and the meaning of the sentence is destroyed or significantly altered, the material is restrictive (essential) and is not set off by commas.

Eugene O’Neill, who wrote Long Day’s Journey into Night, is the only American playwright who has won the Nobel Prize. (unessential, nonrestrictive)

The author who wrote Rejected by Misfortune may win the Nobel Prize.

My sister Lynn is a bright, sensitive woman. (The word "Lynn" is restrictive, essential. I may have other sisters who are stupid and brutish!)


5h. Use a comma to avoid confusion.


He walked in, in the middle of the discussion about situational ethics.

At home, work is emphasized.

For Stanley, Graham was an inspiration.

Ellipses

6a. Use ellipses to signal an omission within the sentence.


When I arrived home three hours late, my wife angrily shouted, " . . . ." Politeness prohibits me from quoting her exactly.

Note: Use four dots if the omission is the last part of the quoted material, the entire sentence or more, or the entire paragraph or more. If the omitted material is in the middle of a sentence, use three dots.

Em dash

(The em dash is twice as long as the en dash and four times as long as the hyphen.)

7a. Use an em dash to separate enclosed material.


Because we were unable to verify some of the information—we will discuss this in the next chapter—we decided not to print the article.

It was quite an experience—an unbelievable experience—for all who witnessed it.

Note: The em dash separates enclosed material as do the comma and the parenthesis, but the em dash signals an abrupt break. Also note that the em and en dashes separate, whereas the hyphen combines.

En dash

8a. Use an en dash to signal a range.


I especially enjoyed chapters 26–42.
He conducted the research on July 17–24.

Note: Use "between July 17 and July 24" and "from July 17 to July 24" instead of "between July 17–24" and "from July 17–24."


8b. Use an en dash instead of a hyphen in a compound adjective if one of the adjectives is a hyphenated word or consists of two words.


They conducted an x-ray–opacity experiment.

She is a UC Berkeley–LLNL employee.

He caught the Chicago–Des Moines flight.


8c. Use an en dash for a minus sign.


x = 10–1

Exclamation point

9a. Use an exclamation point to signal a strong emotional response (e.g., surprise, fear, anger, joy, and amazement)


Oh, the joy of being an English instructor!

Note: Do not overuse exclamation points.

Hyphen

10a. Use a hyphen to signal that two (or more) words have been combined to form another word. (Such words are often called unit modifiers and therefore act as adjectives.)


My brother-in-law is visiting us soon.

The president-elect will reside in the White House beginning next month.

He needed a 7-1/2-inch pipe. (If you have a computer, with the use of superscript and size reduction on the 1 and reducing the size of the 2, you can create this instead: 71/2.)

Note: Sometimes two words are combined (and spelled with a hyphen) to form a verb or a noun.

We will mass-produce the item to lower its price. (verb)

Self-discipline is essential if one is to succeed in life. (noun)

10b. Use a hyphen to break a word that is too long to fit on a line.

Ellen, my good friend, recently went to Rome to visit the the-
rapist who also treated her father. (Notice that the word "therapist" creates confusion about whom Ellen is visiting when it is hyphen-
ated in the above fashion, but the word "hyphenated" in this sentence creates no such problem.)

Note: Because of automatic word-wrapping on computers, the line-break hyphen is seldom used. Break the word only between syllables, and if unsure about syllabication, use the dictionary.

Parentheses

11a. Use parentheses to separate enclosed material.


My friend Jim (all of his other friends would agree) is quite a character.

Note: A parenthetical phrase, clause, or sentence is unessential material that is an interruption in the text. Set off such a phrase or clause with commas, parentheses, or em dashes. Do not set off a parenthetical sentence with commas but only with parentheses or em dashes.

The natural gases from which helium is made are carried, in a pipeline eleven miles long, from the Amarillo field.

The natural gases from which helium is made are carried (in a pipeline eleven miles long) from the Amarillo field.

At times—they were more than a few—the situation seemed hopeless.

Note: Parentheses, like the comma and em dash, set off material from the rest of the sentence, but the parentheses and em dash remove the material farther away than does the comma.


11b. Use parentheses to separate an acronym from its appositive.


The Department of Defense (DOD) and the Department of Energy (DOE) are powerful arms of the government.

Note: After the first use of the appositive-acronym combination in a document, use only the acronym and without parentheses.

Period

12a. Use a period to signal the end of a declarative sentence (a statement of fact) or an imperative sentence (a command).


I absolutely love making up sentences like this.

Get out of here.


12b. Use a period with some abbreviations (but not with abbreviations of units of measurement in technical writing).


Mr. Willis’ address on commas was very informative.

During a typical 2–min pass, we acquired 1200 images.


12c. Use a period at the end of a bulleted item.


The four phases are:
• Putting the lug nuts back on and tightening them.

• Taking the lug nuts off the flat tire.

• Putting on the new tire.

• Removing the flat.

Note: If the above items were listed sequentially, numbers would be used in place of bullets.

Question mark

13a. Use a question mark to signal a direct question or an editorial doubt.


Why are you reading this sentence?

My favorite author is Eugene O’Neill (1888?–1953)

Note: Do not use a question mark with an indirect question.
I am wondering why you are reading this sentence. (indirect question)

Quotation Marks

14a. Use quotation marks to signal quoted words, phrases, and sentences.


When asked what were the two most important qualities of a teacher, she responded, "kindness and consistency."

The manager kept referring to "our mission for the future."

Note: Single quotation marks signal a quotation within a quotation.

My mother often told me, "When I am gone and someone on the phone asks, ‘Is your mother at home?’ or some similar question, you answer by saying, ‘Yes, but she is busy right now.’ "


14b. Use quotation marks (or italics) for the first use of an unusual, technical word that is presumably unfamiliar to the reader.


A high leak resistance may cause the tube to "block."


14c. Use quotation marks (or italics) with a word or phrase highlighted for the purpose of definition or explanation.


By "federal," I mean a government with a strong central power.

I used the word static in the sense of "unchanging."

Semicolon

15a. Use a semicolon to separate two closely related independent clauses.


The teacher spoke; the student listened.

Note: The semicolon in the above sentence is a replacement for a comma followed by a coordinating conjunction.

I went to the store; I bought bread.

Note: This is incorrect because the two independent clauses are not closely related. Use a period [or a comma plus "and"] instead.


15b. Use a semicolon to separate items in a list when the items already contain commas.


My children were born on March 16, 1970; November 2, 1971; October 24, 1977; October 26, 1979; and October 23, 1984.

My favorite cities are London, England; Paris, France; Rome, Italy; Valencia, Spain; and Milpitas, California.

Brad is a dear friend, a longtime friend; and even though he is very, very busy, he always manages to find time for me and for my concerns; but I am not yet ready to canonize him! (This "sentence" is grammatically correct but clumsy, and it would be preferable to break it up into two or more sentences.)


15c. Use a semicolon to separate two independent clauses when the second clause begins with a transition word. Put a comma after the transition word.


Note: Examples of transition words are: however, moreover, thus, nonetheless, nevertheless, etc. Do not confuse transition words with coordinating conjunctions such as: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so (the FANBOYS).

I studied; nonetheless, I failed.

I studied for many more hours and then retook the test; thus, I finally passed.

Compound Punctuation

With quotation marks

16a. Place periods and commas inside quotation marks.


My boss said, "I expect you to have this done by 4 p.m. today."

When the teacher lectured us on "acting in a mature fashion," some of us failed to listen maturely.


16b. Place colons and semicolons outside quotation marks.


In his homily, the preacher kept using the term, "efficacious grace"; however, none of us knew what the term meant.

I have two reasons for loving Robert Frost’s poem, "The Road not Taken": it challenges my mind, and it moves my soul.


16c. Place exclamation points and question marks inside quotation marks when they are part of the quoted material and outside when they are not.


In a soft voice, and with no sign of emotion, the murderer said, "I have done nothing wrong"! (The exclamatory emotion is that of the speaker and not of the murderer.)

The man shouted, "Get out of here now!"

Was President Bush thinking rationally when he said, "Dan Quayle is the best man for the job"? (Unfortunately, the speaker, not the man in power, asked the question.)

Mom asked, "Have you cleaned up your room yet?"

With parentheses and brackets

16d. Place periods, exclamation points, and question marks inside parentheses and brackets when they are part of the parenthetical or bracketed material; otherwise, place them outside.


Was Mr. Bush thinking clearly when he named his running mate? (It is unfortunate that I, and not the President, asked the question.)

Mr. Bush was not thinking clearly when he named his running mate (the one who spells potato with a final "e").

My son (I almost died!) told the crowd the story about my most embarrassing moment.

He actually told the crowd about my most embarrassing moment (the sliver in the "unmentionable" area)!

When I first met Claudia (could she possibly have been interested in me?), I fell in love immediately.

Do you believe that I proposed to Claudia less than 24 hours after I met her (January 2, 1968)?


16e. Place semicolons, colons, and commas outside parentheses and brackets.


My kids wanted to go to that particular movie (all of their friends had recommended it); however, I felt it was too violent.

Five great American novelists have won the Nobel Prize for Literature (Eugene O’Neill is the only American playwright to do so): John Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, Pearl Buck, and Sinclair Lewis.

Because he publicly praised Dan Quayle to the skies (he did not want to appear as one who "waffles" on his opinions), Mr. Bush had to stick with the Indiana Senator as his running mate.


16f. Do not use any punctuation before an opening parenthesis, and use only terminal punctuation (periods, exclamation points, and question marks) before a closing parenthesis. Omit colons, semicolons, dashes, and other punctuation that is not terminal.

Usage

Parallel Structure


17a. When two or more items, intended to be given equal emphasis, are joined by a conjunction or conjunctions, and when the items are in the same grammatical form, parallel structure occurs.


She spoke clearly to the audience, and she also was listening with patience when they asked questions.

("spoke" and "was listening" are not parallel; and the same is true of "clearly" and "with patience," as well as "to the audience" and "when they asked questions.")

She spoke clearly to the audience and listened patiently to their questions.

("spoke" and "listened" are both verbs and are both in the past tense.)

She spoke clearly to the audience and listened patiently to their questions.

("clearly" and "patiently" are both adverbs.)

She spoke clearly to the audience and listened patiently to their questions.

("to the audience" and "to their questions" are both prepositional phrases.)

17b. The items in a parallel list all share in common some part of the sentence.

I like to swim, baseball, reading, and going to movies.

(not parallel)

I like to swim, play baseball, read, and go to movies.

(parallel-- see explanation after the next example.)

I like to swim, (to) play baseball, (to) read, and (to) go to movies.

(The word, "to" is unnecessary with the last three items, but it points out how the items are all parallel: they are all infinitive phrases. All of the items "share in common" the words, "I like to.")

With my lottery winnings, I bought a stereo, car, a television set, and computer.

(This is not parallel construction. The word, "a," must be repeated with each item to make the sentence parallel.)

With my lottery winnings, I bought a stereo, a car, a television set, and a computer.

(parallel)

His relationship was destroyed by greed, by selfishness, laziness, and complacency.

(not parallel) (The word, "by," was repeated twice and omitted twice.)

His relationship was destroyed by greed, by selfishness, by laziness, and by complacency.

(parallel) (See also the example below.)

His relationship was destroyed by greed, selfishness, laziness, and complacency.

(parallel) (In this example, the word, "by," is held in common by each element in the series and does not need to be repeated each time.)


17c. When using pairs of conjunctions (e.g., not only...but also; both...and; either...or; neither...nor) the two items compared must have the same grammatical construction in order to be parallel.


He wanted either wealth or to be powerful.

("wealth" is not parallel with "to be powerful.")

He wanted either wealth or power.

(parallel)

NOTE: Compare the words immediately after the "either" ("both," "neither," "not only") with the words immediately after the "or" ("and," "nor," "but also.")

He either wanted wealth or power.

("wanted wealth" is not parallel with "power.")

He either wanted wealth or wanted power.

(parallel)

I decided not only to edit the text but also that I should confront the author.

("to edit the text" is not parallel with "that I should confront.")

I decided not only to edit the text but also to confront the author.

(parallel)

He not only told me to edit the text but also to confront the author.

("told me to edit the text" is not parallel with "to confront the author.")

He not only told me to edit the text but also told me to confront the author.

(parallel but overly wordy)


17d. When using words like "first," "second," etc., be aware of parallel structure.


In order to be an effective technical editor, one must be able, first, to deal sensitively with others; secondly, be able to be consistent; and be able to, last, pay close attention to detail.

("to deal sensitively with others" is not parallel with "be able to be consistent" nor with "pay close attention to detail.")

In order to be an effective technical editor, one must be able, first, to deal sensitively with others; second, to be consistent; and, last, to pay close attention to detail.

("to deal sensitively with others" is parallel with "to be consistent" and with "to pay close attention to detail.")

NOTE: The words, "first," "second," and "last" are parallel, but the words, "first," "secondly," and "last" are not. Also note, in the last example, that the words, "one must be able" are held in common by all three elements.


17e. If the second half of a comparison is elliptical, make sure that the two halves are parallel.


That is a better written document than we editors usually encounter.

("That is a better written document" is not parallel with "we editors usually encounter.")

That is a better written document than those (documents) we editors usually encounter.

(parallel)




Dangling Modifiers


18a. Avoid dangling participial phrases.


Disheartened by three straight losses, losing a fourth game was easy.

(dangling participial phrase)

NOTE: "Disheartened by three straight losses" is a participial phrase and therefore acts as an adjective; however, in this sentence, the phrase is describing the word, "losing" which makes no sense. This is called a dangling participial phrase.

Disheartened by three straight losses, our team found losing a fourth game easy.

(correct)

NOTE: Now the participial phrase correctly modifies "our team," as we are the ones who are disheartened.
Because we had already lost three straight games, losing a fourth game was easy.

(correct)

Run over by a tractor, I had to buy my son a new bike.

(dangling)

I had to buy my son a new bike because his had been run over by a tractor.

(correct)


18b. Avoid dangling phrases containing infinitives or gerunds.


Ready to wash my car, the rain began to fall.

(dangling infinitive phrase)

When I was ready to wash my car, the rain began to fall.

(correct)

Prepare to begin surgery after being properly anesthetized.

(dangling infinitive phrase)

NOTE: The patient and not the doctor, hopefully, is the one being anesthetized.

Prepare to begin surgery after the patient is properly anesthetized.

(correct)

By shouting obscenities, the meeting was prematurely brought to a close.

(dangling gerund phrase)

By shouting obscenities, the intruders prematurely brought the meeting to a close.

(correct)


18c. Avoid dangling adverbial clauses.


While watching the baseball game, the Goodyear Blimp flew overhead.

(dangling adverbial clause)

While I was watching the baseball game, the Goodyear Blimp flew overhead.

(correct)




Redundancies


19a. Avoid words and phrases that are too wordy.


I would like to know whether or not you are coming to the meeting.

(The words or not serve no function, using up valuable space and reading time.)

In the following sentences, the italicized words or parts of words are redundant.)

At the present time, I plan to attend the meeting.

Let us begin preplanning the meeting.

We must be more proactive in our dealings with other departments.

We should not over exaggerate our past experiences.

I have never before heard that old adage.




Active and Passive Voice


20a. If the emphasis is on "who or what is doing the action," use the active voice.


Edward Teller once directed the Lab.

The avalanche crushed the cabin.


20b. If the emphasis is on "who or what is being affected by the action," use the passive voice.


The TCE-contaminated ground water was purified during the process.

NOTE: The sentence, "the process purified the TCE-contaminated ground water" would also be acceptable. Use the voice that puts the emphasis where desired.


20c. If either voice is acceptable, use the active because it is more direct.


Examples of surface rupture were seen by scientists along the Greenville Fault.

(too wordy because of the passive)

Scientists saw examples of surface rupture along the Greenville Fault.

(more direct, less wordy)

NOTE: The active construction, "scientists saw," uses two words; the passive construction, "were seen by scientists," uses four words to say the same thing.


20d. If possible, do not shift voices within a sentence.


When we reached Site 300, the monitoring well was seen.

(clumsy switch of voice)

When we reached Site 300, we saw the monitoring well.

(Both verbs are active.)




Subject-Verb Agreement


21a. If the subject is singular, the verb must be singular; if the subject is plural, the verb must be plural.


The absence of TCE-contaminated particles is [not "are"] a good sign.

(The subject, "absence," is singular, and so the verb must also be singular.)

Uncontaminated particles are [not "is"] a good sign.

(plural subject, plural verb)

The existence of twin boundaries in RBa2Cu3O7 (where "R" represents the rare-earth elements, except cerium, terbium, and praseodymium) provides [not "provide"] a unique opportunity to study the flux-pinning mechanism in layered high-temperature superconductors.

(The subject, "existence," is singular, and so the verb, "provides," must also be singular.)


21b. If the subject is a compound subject, the verb must be plural.


Laser-beam propagation, image fidelity, image-reconstruction quality, and beam-pointing accuracy are [not "is"] greatly effected by wave front phase.

Beam-pointing accuracy is greatly effected by wave front phase.

(See preceding example.)

NOTE: In scientific writing, sentences are often very complex, and the verb may be far from the subject.
The effectiveness of laser-beam propagation, image fidelity, image-reconstruction quality, and beam-pointing accuracy, to a large degree, is [not "are"] determined by wave front phase.

(The subject, "effectiveness," is singular.)


21c. The following indefinite pronouns are singular and require singular verbs.


anybody, anyone, any one, anything, each, either, every,

everybody, everyone, every one, everything, neither, nobody,

no one, nothing, one, somebody, someone, some one, something.


Everyone is to attend the meeting.

Every one of the employees is [not "are"] present.

Neither of the two faults (the Greenville and the Las Positas) has [not "have"] produced a quake in 1992.


21d. The following pronouns are plural and require plural verbs.


both, few, many, several, others.


Many are called, but few are chosen.


21e. A subject introduced by "both . . . and" requires a plural verb.


Both the Las Positas Fault and the Greenville Fault are presently quiet.


21f. A compound singular subject introduced by "neither . . . nor or either . . . or" requires a singular verb.


Neither a filter nor a filter-support screen is needed in the battery housing.

Either the standard sequential or a parallel split-flow operation separates the free radon progeny.


21g. A compound plural subject introduced by "neither . . . nor" or "either . . . or" requires a plural verb.


Neither filters nor filter-support screens are needed in the battery housings.

Either standard sequential or parallel split-flow operations separate the free radon progeny.


21h. A compound subject (introduced by "neither . . . nor" or "either . . . or") that is mixed (singular and plural) requires a singular verb if the singular subject is closer or a plural verb if the plural subject is closer.


Neither a filter nor filter support screens are needed in the battery housings.

Neither filter support screens nor a filter is needed in the battery housings.




Articles


22a. Use "a" before words beginning with a consonant.


a quake a fault a layer a hunch


22b. Use "an" before words beginning with a vowel (except "u" when pronounced as a "y" and "o" when pronounced as a "w") and before a silent "h".


an apple an elephant an item an onion

an umpire a unicorn one-way street an hour


22c. Use "an" before the words for the letters "a, e, f, h, i, l, m, n, o, r, s, or x." (The words for these letters all begin with a vowel.)


Give me an f, an l, an x, and a y.

He will soon have an M.S. in physics.


22d. If an acronym or group of initials is pronounced as a word and not as separate letters, use "a" or "an" as required by the pronunciation.


We took an S.A.T. test.

We visited a SAC base.


22e. With chemical names, use "a" or "an" as required by pronunciation.


He conducted a H2O analysis.

(pronounced "a water analysis")

We found a FeO trace.

(pronounced "a ferrous oxide trace")

She was studying an YBa{2}Cu{3}O{7-x} crystal.

(pronounced "an yttrium")




Numbers


23a. Generally, spell out numbers one through ten, as well as common fractions; use figures for numbers above ten. (Other grammar books suggest spelling out numbers that are one or two words in length and using numerals for those that are three word or longer.)


This project is employing seven editors.

This project is employing 15 editors.

This project is employing approximately one-third of the editorial staff.

NOTE: In a series, if most of the numbers are below ten (but a few are above), spell out all the numbers. Conversely, if most of the numbers in a series are above ten (but a few are below) use figures for all the numbers.
The project is employing four editors, five compositors, and eleven [not "11"] artists.

The project is employing 11 editors, 12 compositors, 11 artists, and 1 [not "one"] division manager.


23b. Round, noncomplex numbers may be written in a combination of words and figures.


Over 200 million [not "200,000,000"] people now live in the United States.

Exactly 242,984,673 people now live in the United States.

(The number is too complex to spell out.)


23c. Always spell out a number that begins a sentence; if the number is too complex to spell out, rewrite the sentence so that the number is not at the beginning.


Forty-seven people attended the lecture.


23d. In scientific usage, physical quantities should be expressed in figures.


170 volts 6 [not "six"] square yards

1 [not "one"] pound

47deg.C

7 cubic centimeters

10 picas


23e. If an abbreviation or a symbol is used for a unit of measurement, express the number in figures.


4 hr

60 mph

7 g

18 ml

4"

17.2'

14deg.

45deg.40' N


23f. Spell out ordinals that are one or two words long.


We will soon proceed from the twentieth century to the twenty-first.

NOTE: An exception to the above rule occurs with addresses. For ordinals past tenth, use figures.
My last three addresses have been 417 22nd Street, 1050 Lomitas Avenue, and 607 Ninth Street.


23g. Days following months are expressed in cardinal figures; days preceding months are expressed in ordinal figures; days of the month without the month mentioned are expressed in ordinal words.


The meeting is on July 15.

The meeting is on the 15th of July.

The meeting is on the fifteenth.


23h. Military dates are expressed in cardinal numerals preceding the month. No comma is used between the month and the year.


The meeting is on 15 July 1992.

Problem Words

24.The following list presents pairs or groups of words that often create confusion. The first words of each group are listed alphabetically. The second and following words of each group are also listed alphabetically with references back to the first words.


A

Ability (n) natural talent.
Capability (n) potential.
Capacity (n) maximum production or output. (used with equipment)
Abnormal (adj) deviating from the average.
Subnormal (adj) less than normal.

Absorb (v) to soak up.
Adsorb (v) to take up on the surface of a solid with little or no penetration.

Accede (v) to give consent.
Exceed (v) to surpass.

Accept (n) to receive; to admit; to approve.
Except (prep) but; other than.

Access (n) means of approach.
Excess (n) more than enough.

Accessible (adj) reachable.
Assessable (adj) able to be evaluated.

Accomplish (v) to complete successfully.
Attain (v) to reach.

Adapt (v) to modify.
Adopt (v) to incorporate or include.

Adjacent (adj) nearby.
Contiguous (adj) being in contact with along a dividing line.

Adopt (see "adapt")

Adsorb (see "absorb")

Advantage (n) benefit.
Asset (n) resource.

Adverse (adj) unfavorable.
Averse (adj) disinclined.

Advice (n) recommendation; suggestion.
Advise (v) to recommend; to suggest.

Affect (v) to influence; to feel.
Effect (n) result.
Effect (v) to cause.

All ready (adj) totally prepared.
Already (adv) previously.

All together (adj) in a group.
Altogether (adv) completely.

Allusion (n) indirect reference.
Illusion (n) misleading image.

Already (see "all ready")

Altogether (see "all together")

Amend (v) to change.
Emend (v) to improve by critical editing.

Among (prep) "used when dealing with three or more items."
Between (prep) "used when dealing with two items."

Analysis (n) "implies separation."
Synthesis (n) "implies combination."

Anticipate (v) to foresee.
Expect (v) to await or suppose.

Anxious (adj) "implies fear."
Eager (adj) "implies enthusiasm."

Any more (adv, adj) an additional quantity.
Anymore (adv) now.

Appear (v) to become evident.
Seem (v) to give an impression of.

Appraise (v) to evaluate worth.
Apprise (v) to inform.

As if (conj) "makes a comparison but is used to introduce a clause."
Like (prep) "makes a comparison."

Ascent (n) upward slope.
Assent (n) praise.

Assessable (see "accessible")

Asset (see "advantage")

Assure (v) to inform positively.
Ensure (v) to make certain or inevitable.
Insure (v) to underwrite.

Attain (see "accomplish")

Averse (see "adverse")

B

Because (conj) for the reason that.
Since (conj, adv) during the time after; from then until now.
Because of (prep phrase) by reason of; on account of.
Due to (prep phrase) "often misused to mean 'because of.'"

Beside (prep) next to.
Besides (prep) in addition to.

Between (see "among")

Biannual (adj) twice per year.
Biennial (adj) every two years.

C

Can (helping v) able to.
May (helping v) "asking for permission to."

Canvas (n) a heavy fabric.
Canvass (v) to examine or solicit.

Capability (see "ability")

Capacity (see "ability")

Capital (adj, n) main; money.
Capitol (n) a building that houses a government.

Carat (n) unit of weight measurement of precious stones.
Caret (n) a proofreader's insertion mark.
Karat (n) unit of measurement of the proportion of pure gold used in an alloy.

Chord (n) line cutting a circle or sphere; a musical combination of tones.
Cord (n) a measure of volume; a string or rope.

Climactic (adj) "referring to a climax."
Climatic (adj) concerning climate.

Compare to (v phrase) "referring to a general comparison."
Compare with (v phrase) "referring to a detailed comparison."

Complement(n, v) something that completes; to complete.
Compliment (n, v) expression of praise; to praise.

Compose (v) to form the substance of; to constitute.
Comprise (v) to include; to consist of; to be made up of.

Condition (n) state of being.
Shape (n) form; aspect.

Conducive (adj) contributive.
Conductive (adj) able to transmit.

Connote (v) to imply a meaning in addition to what is literal.
Denote (v) to refer to specifically or literally.

Conscience (n) the faculty of distinguishing between right and wrong.
Conscious (adj) aware.

Contiguous (see "adjacent")

Continual (adj) repeated.
Continuous (adj) nonstop.

Cord (see "chord")

Corrosion (n) a wearing or eating away by chemical action.
Rust (n, v) reddish coating on ferrous metals caused by corrosion.

Council (n) administrative, legislative, or advisory body.
Counsel (v) to advise.

Credible (adj) believable.
Creditable (adj) praiseworthy; worthy of credit.

D

Deceiving (adj) misleading.
Deceptive (adj) tending to deceive.

Deduce (v) to reason from the general to the particular.
Induce (v) to reason from the particular to the general.

Defective (adj) having imperfections.
Deficient (adj) lacking in completeness.

Definite (adj) clear; precise.
Definitive (adj) fixed; authoritative.

Denote (see "connote")

Desert (n ,v) arid waste; deserved treatment; to abandon.
Dessert (n) course served at the end of a meal.

Differ from (v phrase) to be unlike.
Differ with (v phrase) to disagree.

Different from (prep) "contrasts items."
Different than (conj) "should only be used in the expression, 'more different than.' "
NOTE: The expression "different than" should be rarely used.
Disassemble (v) to take apart.
Dissemble (v) to disguise.

Discreet (adj) prudent.
Discrete (adj) distinct; noncontinuous.

Disinterested (adj) impartial; indifferent.
Uninterested (adj) bored; not interested.

Dispense with (v phrase) to do without.
Dispose of (v phrase) to get rid of.

Distinct (adj) distinguished from others.
Distinctive (adj) having style or distinction.
Distinguished (adj) famous.

Due to (see "because of")

Dyeing (v form) coloring a substance.
Dying (v form) passing from life.

E

Eager (see "anxious")

Effect (see "affect")

Elicit (v) to evoke.
Illicit (adj) unlawful.

Elusive (adj) evasive.
Illusive (adj) deceptive.

Emend (see "amend")

Emigrate (v) to leave a country to move to another.
Immigrate (v) to enter a new country with the intent to establish residence.

Eminent (adj) distinguished.
Immanent (adj) inherent; existing within.
Imminent (adj) impending.

Ensure (see "assure")

Envelope (n) a package.
Envelop (v) to surround.

Exceed (see "accede")

Except (see "accept")

Excess (see "access")

Expect (see "anticipate")

Explicit (adj) specific.
Implicit (adj) implied.

Extant (adj) existing.
Extent (n) range.

F, G

Farther (adj, adv) "refers to distance."
Further (adj, adv) "refers to degree or extent; in addition."

Feasible (adj) capable of being done.
Possible (adj) may exist or occur.

Fewer (adj) "refers to numbers of discrete items."
Less (adj, adv) "refers to bulk quantity."

Figure (n) number symbol. (Figures represent numbers.)
Number (n) mathematical unit. (Numbers are expressed in figures.)

Foreward (n) preface.
Forward (v, adj,adv) to advance; ahead.

Further (see "farther")

H

Hangar (n) aircraft building.
Hanger (n) devise by which something is hung.

Healthful (adj) producing health.
Healthy (adj) having health.

Hypothesis (n) "based on limited evidence."
Theory (n) "supported by a greater range of evidence than a hypothesis."

I, J

Illicit (see "elicit")

Illusion (see "allusion")

Illusive (see "elusive")

Immanent (see "eminent")

Immigrate (see "emigrate")

Imminent (see "eminent")

Implicit (see "explicit")

Imply (v) to suggest.
Infer (v) to surmise; to guess.

Incapable (adj) "implying a permanent lack of ability."
Unable (adj) "implying an inability in a specific situation."

Infer (see "imply")

Ingenious (adj) intelligent.
Ingenuous (adj) simple; unsophisticated.

Insure (see "assure")

Induce (see "deduce")

Inter- (prefix) between; among.
Intra- (prefix) within.

Its (possessive pron) belongs to it.
It's (pron + v) a contraction for "it is."

K

Karat (see "carat")

L

Lay (v) to place something.
Lie (v) to recline.

Lean (adj, v) not fat; to incline.
Lien (n) attachment or claim against.

Lend (v) to give for temporary use; to make a loan.
Loan (n) that which is lent.

Less (see "fewer")

Lie (see "lay")

Lien (see "lean")

Lightening (v form) making less heavy.
Lightning (n) electrical discharge in the sky.

Like (see "as if")

Linage (n) number of lines of written matter.
Lineage (n) ancestry.

Lineal (adj) arranged in lines; relating to a direct line of ancestry.
Linear (adj) relating to a line.

Loan (see "lend")

Loose (adj, v) unfastened; unbound; not strict; to untie.
Lose (v) to be unable to find; to be deprived of.

M

Mantel (n) shelf above a fireplace.
Mantle (n) sleeveless garment.

Material (adj, n) relevant; consisting of matter; parts of which something can be made.
Materiel (n) equipment and supplies used by an organization.

Many (adj) "refers to numbers."
Much (adj) "refers to quantity."

May (see "can")

Misguide (v) to misdirect.
Mislead (v) to deceive.

Monetary (adj) financial.
Monitory (adj) admonishing.

Moral (n, adj) conscientious; a principle or value.
Morale (n) an individual's or a group's general tone of feeling.

Much (see "many")

N

Number (see "figure")

O

Observance (n) custom; rite.
Observation (n) recognition.

Ordinance (n) law.
Ordnance (n) military supplies.

P, Q

Parameter (n) constant factor.
Perimeter (n) circumference.

Passed (v) to go by; to have gone by.
Past (n, adj) earlier.

Penetrate (v) to pass into.
Pervade (v) to become diffused throughout.

Perimeter (see "parameter")

Personal (adj) refers to the individual.
Personnel (n) a group of people working a particular job.

Perspective (n) view.
Prospective (adj) likely to happen.

Possible (see "feasible")

Practicable (adj) capable of being worked out.
Practical (adj) useful.

Precede (v) to come before.
Proceed (v) to go ahead.

Precedence (n) fact preceding in time; priority.
Precedents (plural n) established conventions.

Presence (n) the condition of being present.
Presents (n) more than one gift.
Presents (v) to give to.

Principal (adj, n) main; money; the leader of a school; a leading actor or actress in a play or story.
Principle (n) a basic truth or law; a moral tenet.

Proceed (see "precede")

Prospective (see "perspective")

R

Raise (v) to lift something up.
Rise (v) to go up; to get up.

Range (v) to differ within stated limits.
Vary (v) to differ.

Respectfully (adv) considerately.
Respectively (adv) each in a given order.

Rise (see "raise")

Rust (see "corrosion")

S

Seasonable (adj) timely.
Seasonal (adj) "relating to a season."

Seem (see appear)

Sense (n, v) feeling; intelligence.
Since (adv, prep, conj) "refers to time."

Set (v) to place something.
Sit (v) to rest one's body.

Shape (see "condition") .

Shear (n, v) cutting instrument; to cut off.
Sheer (adj, v) thin; precipitous; to deviate from a course.

Since (see "because")

Since (see "sense")

Sit (see "set")

Stationary (adj) standing still.
Stationery (n) letter-writing materials.

Subnormal (see "abnormal")

Super- (prefix) over and above; superior.
Supra- (prefix) going beyond the limits of.

Supersede (v) to supplant; to replace.
Surpass (v) to exceed.

Supra- (see "super-")

Synthesis (see "analysis")

T

Than (conj) "refers to a comparison."
Then (adv) next; at that time.

That (relative pron) "introduces restrictive (essential) clauses."
Which (relative pron) "introduces nonrestrictive (unessential) clauses."

Their (possessive pron) belongs to them.
There (adv) at that place. (It can also be used as a dummy subject to begin a sentence and really has no meaning.)
They're (pron + v) a contraction for "they are."
NOTE: In general, avoid beginning sentences with "there is," "there are," "there was," "there were," and "there will be."
Then (see "than")

Theory (see "hypothesis")

Timber (n) wood.
Timbre (n) quality of sound produced by overtones.

To (prep, adv) "has many meanings, including `direction towards' as well as being used to introduce an infinitive."
Too (adv) also; very.
Two (adj, n) "a number."

Tortuous (adj) twisted; winding.
Torturous (adj) causing excessive pain.

Two (see "to")

U

Unable (see "incapable")

Uninterested (see "disinterested")

Use (v) to employ in the manner intended.
Utilize (v) to adapt for use; to make use of in an unusual way.

V

Vary (see "range")

W,X

Whereas (conj) but; on the contrary; in view of the fact that.
While (conj) at the same time as; as long as.

Which (see "that")

While (see "whereas")

Who (relative pron) "refers to a person in the subjective case."
Whom (relative pron) "refers to a person in the objective case."
Who's (rel. pron + v) a contraction for "who is."
Whose (relative pron) "refers to a person in the possessive case."

Y, Z

Your (possessive pron) belongs to you.
You're (pron + v) a contraction for "you are."

Writing

Writing the Standard Four or Five Paragraph Essay

The Introductory Paragraph


The Introduction has two purposes:


1) To introduce the subject of discussion via the Thesis Statement

2) To gain the readers attention by creating a desire to read on


A good Introduction can make the difference between an ordinary essay and an excellent one. Typically, the good introductory paragraph contains 5 or more sentences that begin with a broad reference to the essay topic. Each succeeding sentence further clarifies the idea until it has narrowed down to the Thesis Statement. An introductory paragraph might include the following:


Sentence # 1 -- makes a broad, provocative reference to the topic intended to "hook" the reader’s attention

Sentence # 2 or 3 -- clarifies the writer’s intention or direction for writing about the topic.

Sentence # 2 or 3 -- reveals the source of the topic by indicating the title, author, and character involved in the discussion.

Sentence # 4 -- further clarifies the writer’s intention/direction.

Sentence # 5 -- expresses the Thesis Statement or controlling idea of the essay.


The Body Paragraphs


Body Paragraphs are the "meat" of the essay. Their purpose is to provide all the necessary information the reader needs in order to understand the point or argument that the writer is trying to make.

Typically, the Body Paragraph contains a Topic Sentence and several Supporting Detail Sentences. A good body paragraph contains 7-9 sentences that might include the following:


Sentence # 1 -- Topic Sentence - states main idea/point of the paragraph

Sentence # 2-3 -- Discussion - defines/expands on the main idea/point

Sentence # 4-6 -- Examples/Quotes - presents evidence to support the point of the discussion

Sentence # 7-8 -- Commentary - interprets the significance/meaning of the examples/quotes

Sentence # 9 -- Concluding Sentence -- provides a transition into the next paragraph by finishing your discussion of the idea/point and leading into the discussion of the main idea/point of the next paragraph.


Sometimes, young writers have difficulty deciding what to write about in Body Paragraphs. The best way to overcome this problem is to turn the Topic Sentence into a question. All the information and/or reasons needed to answer the question then become the Supporting Detail Sentences. Below are the types of Supporting Detail Sentences that should be used to answer the "Topic Sentence Question":


1. Facts

2. Examples/Quotes

3. Reasons

4. Evaluation/Interpretation (compare-contrast-label-operate-combine)

5. Commentary


Often, Body Paragraphs follow specific patterns which, depending upon what you are writing about or trying to say, will make it easy for the reader to understand. Below are some examples of paragraph types that might be used in an essay. After each type are words and phrases that are found in each one that will make your explanations more clear:


Time Order -- also, moreover, in addition, again, furthermore, first, second, finally, in short, in conclusion

Comparison -- similarly, likewise, in the same way

Contrast -- however, nevertheless, yet, on the other hand, still

Examples -- For instance, for example, in other words, that is, in particular

Cause and Effect -- therefore, thus, consequently, so, as a result, then, hence

Emphasis -- indeed, in fact, certainly, truly, admittedly


The Concluding Paragraph


The best Conclusions leave the reader with something to think about or wanting more. The more predictable the Conclusion, the less memorable the essay. Typically, a good concluding paragraph will contain 4-5 sentences. Below are the types of Conclusions most commonly used:


Restate/Sum Up Thesis -- (Yawn!) Good for a "C" grade

Predict a possible outcome or the future -- What does your topic reveal that might be tomorrow’s reality?

Propose a solution -- If your essay discusses a problem, then what is your solution?

Express your opinion on the subject.

Bibliographic Form

Addison, Joseph. President, UTE industries. Personal interview. 30 Aug. 1993. Interview

Beckett, Jamie. ''Airport tracks Noisy Flights Over Peninsula.'' San Francisco Newspaper/mag,

Chronicle 3 May 1993, sec. A: 15. Article: Signed

The new Bonanza for credit card users." Fortune 5 April 1993: 10-11 Newspaper/mag.- Author unknown

Beckett, Jamie. "Airport Tracks Noisy Flights Over Peninsula." San Francisco Newspaper article

Chronicle 3May 1993, sec. A: 15. CD SIRS. from CD ROM

Brod, Craig. Technostress: The human cost of the computer Revolution. Book

Calplans Agricultural Fund. An Investment in California Agricultural Real Pamphlet

Estate. Oakland: Calplans Securities, 1989.

Author . " Title of item." http://address/filename, date of document or download. Internet

Internet

Title of article." World Book Encyclopedia. 1993 ed. Encyclopedia- author unknown

Siffl, Charles J. "Computers." Encyclopedia Americana. 1990 ed. Encyclopedia - with author

"Title of Article." Grolier's Multimedia Encyclopedia (CD-ROM). 1994 ed. Encyclopedia on CD ROM

2001: A Space Odyssey. Dir. Stanley Kubrick. Metro- Goldwyn-Mayer, 1968. Movie

Bartanian, Aram. "Man-Machine from Greeks to computers." Dictionary of Multi- volume

The History of Ideas. Ed. Philip P. Weiner. 5vols. New York: Scribner, 1973. work

Style Format Sheet

Granada English Department

In today's world of technology, students must become proficient in using a word processor. Whether it be in college or the business world, computer skills have become mandatory; therefore, all major writing assignments will be typewritten or word processed. The following guidelines show what is considered normal and acceptable for all writing assignments. Your papers are expected to conform to them.

Failure to follow these guidelines will result in your paper being returned to be rewritten. Lateness penalties will apply to returned papers that don't meet the due date.

Printed/Typed Assignments


A. Paper -- use standard 8 1/2" x 11" computer or typing paper. If using tractor-feed computer paper, detach the feed edges before submitting your paper. Use only one side of the paper. Do not fold your paper.

B. Margins -- the standard margins are as follows: (usually these are the default margins on the printer)


Left margin -- 1 inch
Right margin -- 1 inch

Top margin (first page only) -- 1 1/2 inches

Top margin (succeeding pages) -- 1 inch

Bottom margin -- 1 inch


C. Spacing --


General -- spacing between lines is either "space and a half" or "double spaced."
Lengthy Quotes -- if a quote exceeds three (3) lines in length, it will be indented and single spaced with no quotation marks.


D. Font -- use the standard business font, Times, or use a font that resembles it. The correct size to use is 12 point. (This paper is printed in Times 12-point.)

E. Heading -- First page -- see the example below:




------------------------------------------------Assignment Identification
------------------------------------------------Your Name
-------------------------------------------------Date assignment turned in
-------------------------------------------------Class & Teacher's name



Title

(centered in 14 font - not bold and not underlined)

Start your essay here
















Heading -- Following pages -- see the example below:


--------------------------------------------------------------Your Name
--------------------------------------------------------------Page number

Continue your essay here

















F. Proofreading -- you should always proofread your essay before and after it is printed to catch mistakes in punctuation, usage, and format. If possible, have another person look your over paper.

G. Spell checking -- most word processors have a "spell check" program. Using it will eliminate most spelling errors; however, a spell checker is not perfect. Correct spelling of incorrectly-used words will not be detected.

Writing a Poem

First Stanza


1. Name a character --- JAMIE

2. Two adjectives about that character -- LOVING, HATING

3. A geographical location that the character reminds you of -- DESERT

4. Six verbs ("ing" - participial form) descriptive of that character -- CRYING, DRINKING, WHORING, BLAMING, DENYING, DESTROYING

5. A color -- PURPLE

6. A flower -- CACTUS

7. An emotion-- SADNESS

8. A "climate" word -- WHIRLPOOL


Second Stanza


9. How that character treats others (verbs, adverbs) -- CRUELLY, LOVINGLY

10. A color -- RED

11. A time of day or night (any "time" word) -- MIDNIGHT

12. Six verbs about how people react to the character -- LUSTING, PITYING, ADMIRING, LAUGHING, BEING ANGRY AT, SORROWING OVER

13. An animal -- OSTRICH

14. What that animal does (or tries to do) to those around it -- BURIES THEM WHILE BURYING HIMSELF

15. Your feelings towards that animal -- PITY


Third stanza


16. Restate the character’s name -- JAMIE

17. Rename the character (a title, a descriptive nickname, whatever) -- YOUNG OEDIPUS

18. A taste -- BITTER

19. A food -- CHOCOLATE

20. Four adjectives to describe the character’s future -- DEFEATED, BEATEN, DEAD, LOST

21. The character’s ending -- I AM NO MORE

NO MORE
(inspired by Long Day's Journey into Night )

Jamie - filled with love, filled with hate

an arid desert,

drinking, whoring, blaming, crying denying,

SELF-DESTRUCTING,

a purple cactus flower,

royal and beautiful and dry.

Sadness,

a whirlpool of sadness.

He treats his world

with cruel love.

A red river flowing at midnight.

Those he meets are

laughing, lusting, admiring,

but pitying, feeling anger,

feeling sorrow.

The ostrich tries to bury himself

(and, in the process, others),

and we pity the ostrich.

Pity.

Jamie

Young Oedipus

the taste of bitter chocolate

alcohol that burns.

Defeated, beaten, dead,

lost

I am no more

My name is

Might Have Been.



MARTYRED ONE
(inspired by Lord of the Flies)

Simon,

a waterfall of generosity,

of compassion

sympathizing, providing, all-loving, all-caring,

suffering,

dying.

A deep blue rose sad

yet beautiful

falling, falling, falling

the dying autumnal leaves of Simon.

Sensitive to Piggy,

fearless of Jack

helpful to Ralph

feeding the littleuns.

A crimson heart -

broken

too mature, too fearless, too good.

They think he’s batty

don't listen. don't learn

do kill.

A dove of peace, an owl of wisdom, an unsuccessful teacher.

My heart screams out at his unappreciated goodness.

Simon

young Jesus,

sweet salt.

A curing agent

unable to cure.

Misunderstood,

prophetic,

martyr-killed

but still alive

in my heart,

my soul.



THE STAINED MADONNA
(inspired by A Streetcar Named Desire)

Blanche - confused, broken,

an empty blackhole

pretending, deceiving, hurting, desiring, soliciting ,molesting.

Formerly white;

formerly Grey

a weed-choked, Stan-choked,

Mitch-choked

fading pink carnation.

A hurricane of hurt.

Still somewhat innocent

still somewhat naive,

Miss White

(but not with the candlestick in the conservatory)

a chilling, wintry

nightfall, a victim of mistrust, gossip, laughed-at, put down,

even raped.

A chameleon,

a slimy lizard

changing colors from white

to gray

to red,

also changing stories,

trying to change her image.

I feel sorrow;

I feel pity.

Blanche

Scarlett O'Hara -

but with no Butler,

stale bread,

champagne with no bubbles,

growing old, falling apart,

victimized

ALONE,

DOOMED

to be unloved,

even by herself.

There is no Shep Huntleigh.



DUMBER 'N PAINT?
(inspired by "Strange Snow" )

Megs -

simply, uncultured

but a life-refreshing,

cool, mountain pool.

Giving to others,

hurting to self,

trying to deal with his past

(broken windows and cut hands)

being funny,

being a good friend, a lovely MAN.

Exposing Martha’s beauty

(inner beauty too),

a grey depth of past darkness

dissolving into a brilliant vermilion

sunrise.

Dave is jealous and angry;

(sort of),

but Bobby’s not.

Megs is too alive for Davey.

Martha is trusting, mothering,

wanting to love-blossom.

Joseph Megessey,

a little black puppy

not totally house-broken

innocent

faithful

might run away

but always comes home

even after rejection

and hurt.

Megs,

modern Don Quixote,

a sticky-sweet, Martha-catching syrup, still confused,still hurting,

dumber 'n paint,

but a brilliant soul,

a Martha/David Savior.



Frequently Misspelled Words

accidentally ____________________ bachelor

achievement ___________________ baggage

acquaintance ___________________ believe

advantageous ___________________ benefit

amateur _______________________ bookkeeper

anonymous ____________________ breathe

anxiety _______________________ bucketfuls

applicable _____________________ bureau

appreciate _____________________ business

argue _________________________ calendar

article ________________________ campaign

auxiliary ______________________ caricature

awkward ______________________ catastrophe

cemetery ______________________ definitely

colonel ________________________ descent

coming ________________________ desirable

commitment ___________________ despair

committee _____________________ disappear

comparative ___________________ discipline

competitive ____________________ efficient

conscience _____________________ eighth

consensus ______________________ either

contemptible ___________________ eligible

convenience ___________________ equipped

courageous ____________________ exaggerate

criticism ______________________ exercise

exhausted _____________________ immediately

existence ______________________ indispensable

exorcise ______________________ irrelevant

familiar _______________________ irresistible

fascinating ____________________ knowledge

fatigue________________________ laboratory

fiery _________________________ legible

financier ______________________ leisure

foreign _______________________ lieutenant

forty _________________________ lightning

government____________________ loneliness

guarantee _____________________ maneuver

height_________________________ manageable

heroes ________________________ mathematics

humorous _____________________ meant

medieval ______________________ possibility

minimum ______________________ privilege

mortgage ______________________ procedure

necessary ______________________ prominent

neither ________________________ propaganda

ninth _________________________ psychology

noticeable _____________________ pursue

occasionally ____________________ questionnaire

occurred ______________________ receive

omitted _______________________ reference

opportunity ___________________ reparable

parallel _______________________ rhythm

paralysis ______________________ sarcasm

pastime_______________________ schedule

plebeian ______________________ scisssors

secretary ______________________ successful

seize _________________________ surprise

separate ______________________ synonym

sergeant ______________________ tablespoonfuls

serviceable ____________________ thoroughly

siege _________________________ tragedy

similar ________________________ transferable

sophomore ____________________ twelfth

souvenir ______________________ unmistakable

statistics ______________________ vacuum

subtle ________________________ vengeance

succeed _______________________ weird

Anne Owed too the Spelling Chequer

By Jerry Zar

Dean of the Graduate School of Northwestern Illinois University


Eye have a spelling chequer.

It came with my Pea Sea.

It plane lee Marx for my revue

Miss steaks eye can knot sea.

Iran this poem threw it,

Your sure reel glad two no.

Its vary polished in it’s weigh;

My chequer tolled me sew.

A chequer is a bless sing.

It freeze yew lodes of thyme.

It helps me right awl stiles two reed

And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen

Eye trussed too bee a joule.

The chequer poured oar every word

To cheque sum spelling rule.

Be fore a veiling chequer,

Hour spelling mite decline,

And if were lacks or have a laps,

We wood be maid to wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling

Is checked with such grate flayer,

Their are know faults with in my cite,

of nun eye am a wear.



One Hundred Most Common SAT Words

1.abbreviate: (v) to shorten, abridge

2.abstinence: (n) the act of refraining from pleasurable activity, e.g., eating or drinking

3.adulation: (n) high praise

4.adversity: (n) misfortune, an unfavorable turn of events

5.aesthetic: (adj) pertaining to beauty or the arts

6.amicable: (adj) friendly, agreeable

7.anachronistic: (adj) out-of-date, not attributed to the correct historical period

8.anecdote: (n) short, usually funny account of an event

9.anonymous: (adj) nameless, without a disclosed identity

10.antagonist: (n) foe, opponent, adversary

11.arid: (adj) extremely dry or deathly boring

12.assiduous: (adj) persistent, hard-working

13..asylum: (n) sanctuary, shelter, place of refuge

14.benevolent: (adj) friendly and helpful

15.camaraderie: (n) trust, sociability amongst friends

16.censure: (v) to criticize harshly

17.circuitous: (adj) indirect, taking the longest route

18.clairvoyant: (adj) exceptionally insightful, able to foresee the future

19.collaborate: (v) to cooperate, work together

20.compassion: (n) sympathy, helpfulness or mercy

21.compromise: (v) to settle a dispute by terms agreeable to both sides

22.condescending: (adj) possessing an attitude of superiority, patronizing

23.conditional: (adj) depending on a condition, e.g., in a contract

24.conformist: (n) person who complies with accepted rules and customs

25.congregation: (n) a crowd of people, an assembly

26.convergence: (n) the state of separate elements joining or coming together

27.deleterious: (adj) harmful, destructive, detrimental

28.demagogue: (n) leader, rabble-rouser, usually appealing to emotion or prejudice

29.digression: (n) the act of turning aside, straying from the main point, esp. in a speech or argument

30.diligent: (adj) careful and hard-working

31.discredit: (v) to harm the reputation of, dishonor or disgrace

32.disdain: (v) to regard with scorn or contempt

33.divergent: (adj) separating, moving in different directions from a particular point

34.empathy: (n) identification with the feelings of others

35.emulate: (v) to imitate, follow an example

36.enervating: (adj) weakening, tiring

37.enhance: (v) to improve, bring to a greater level of intensity

38.ephemeral: (adj) momentary, transient, fleeting

39.evanescent: (adj) quickly fading, short-lived, esp. an image

40.exasperation: (n) irritation, frustration

41.exemplary: (adj) outstanding, an example to others

42.extenuating: (adj) excusing, lessening the seriousness of guilt or crime, e.g., of mitigating factors

43.florid: (adj) red-colored, flushed; gaudy, ornate

44.fortuitous: (adj) happening by luck, fortunate

45.frugal: (adj) thrifty, cheap

46.hackneyed: (adj) cliched, worn out by overuse

47.haughty: (adj) arrogant and condescending

48.hedonist: (n) person who pursues pleasure as a goal

49.hypothesis: (n) assumption, theory requiring proof

50.impetuous: (adj) rash, impulsive, acting without thinking

51.impute: (v) to attribute an action to particular person or group

52.incompatible: (adj) opposed in nature, not able to live or work together

53.inconsequential: (adj) unimportant, trivial

54.inevitable: (adj) certain, unavoidable

55.integrity: (n) decency, honesty, wholeness

56.intrepid: (adj) fearless, adventurous

57.intuitive: (adj) instinctive, untaught

58.jubilation: (n) joy, celebration, exultation

59.lobbyist: (n) person who seeks to influence political events

60.longevity: (n) long life

61.mundane: (adj) ordinary, commonplace

62.nonchalant: (adj) calm, casual, seeming unexcited

63.novice: (n) apprentice, beginner

64.opulent: (adj) wealthy

65.orator: (n) lecturer, speaker

66.ostentatious: (adj) showy, displaying wealth

67.parched: (adj) dried up, shriveled

68.perfidious: (adj) faithless, disloyal, untrustworthy

69.precocious: (adj) unusually advanced or talented at an early age

important, intelligent or cultured

71.procrastinate: (v) to unnecessarily delay, postpone, put off

72.prosaic: (adj) relating to prose; dull, commonplace

73.prosperity: (n) wealth or success

74.provocative: (adj) tending to provoke a response, e.g., anger or disagreement

75.prudent: (adj) careful, cautious

76.querulous: (adj) complaining, irritable

77.rancorous: (adj) bitter, hateful

78.reclusive: (adj) preferring to live in isolation

79.reconciliation: (n) the act of agreement after a quarrel, the resolution of a dispute

80.renovation: (n) repair, making something new again

81.resilient: (adj) quick to recover, bounce back

82.restrained: (adj) controlled, repressed, restricted

84.sagacity: (n) wisdom

85.scrutinize: (v) to observe carefully

86.spontaneity: (n) impulsive action, unplanned events

87.spurious: (adj) lacking authenticity, false

88.submissive: (adj) tending to meekness, to submit to the will of others

89.substantiate: (v) to verify, confirm, provide supporting evidence

90.subtle: (adj) hard to detect or describe; perceptive

91.superficial: (adj) shallow, lacking in depth

92.superfluous: (adj) extra, more than enough, redundant

93.suppress: (v) to end an activity, e.g., to prevent the dissemination of information

94.surreptitious: (adj) secret, stealthy

95.tactful: (adj) considerate, skillful in acting to avoid offense to others

96.tenacious: (adj) determined, keeping a firm grip on

97.transient: (adj) temporary, short-lived, fleeting

98.venerable: (adj) respected because of age

99.vindicate: (v) to clear from blame or suspicion

100.wary: (adj) careful, cautious

Words I Use for Student Password

Difficult words


chateau________cognizance_____essence___________acquiescence
pachyderm______ogle___________motif_____________succumb
palatable______rendezvous_____mendacity_________aphrodisiac
succulent______ambiance_______melancholy________hemorrhage
brochure_______bellicose______tendril___________patrician
furlough_______misogynist_____despot____________veneration
meticulous_____pantheism______plutocracy________voluptuous
adroit_________gauche_________armoire___________penchant
masochist______camaraderie____apex______________licentious
burlesque______humus__________torrid____________tumultuous
debutante______queue__________olfactory_________anathematize
monotonous_____zeal___________celerity__________dilatory
dementia_______quixotic_______ingenuous_________paucity
hypochondria___onus___________exemplary_________rotund
insatiable_____reticent_______congenial_________obdurate
furtive________demarcation____ecclesiastical____erudite
pedantic_______carnage________vacuous___________hiatus
vermilion______solicitous_____melange___________onomatopoeia
malady_________feral__________lethargic_________Neanderthal
manifest_______debacle________zephyr____________meander
dismantle______gregarious_____diluted___________raiment
skittish_______convoluted_____stamina___________consummate
tumult_________audacious______dauntless_________valor
trollop________harlot_________solicitude________cartel
protége________larcenist______purloin________bona fide
nonchalance____rejuvenate_____synchronous_______avarice
hooligan_______consternation__copious___________deja vu
coterie________sloth__________beleaguer_________insurrection
jubilant_______debility_______jubilation________macabre
elucidate______eerie__________ennui_____________autonomy
morose_________emancipation___query_____________volition
celestial______bequeath_______aspirant__________docile
hygienic_______jejune_________innocuous_________vapid
sedentary______consanguine____putrid____________facile
hussy__________loiter_________procrastinate_____amiable
delude_________venue__________traipse___________mandate
serendipitous__aggregate______vie_______________haphazard



Easier Words




excruciating___governor_______perplexed_________resurrected
pollute________violence_______loathed___________vicious
emphasize______sullen_________vulgar____________melancholy
fictitious_____innuendo_______vagrant___________martyr
acquaintance___fallacy________grotesque_________yelp
adolescent_____accommodation__agony_____________parson
sympathetic____essence________expectorate_______fetch
nuisance_______monocle________corridor__________annoy
necessary______personnel______morgue____________hysterical
ridiculous_____maim___________lavish____________nominate
sergeant_______circumstantial_peculiar__________lagoon
cough__________palsy__________incognito_________depressed
sterile________meddle_________embarrassing______sophisticated
infuriate______periodical_____suave_____________hemorrhage
obedient_______numskull_______sarcastic_________alternative
primate________category_______aggravating_______hemisphere
racket_________receipt________communicated______frequently
hoodlum________tuition________liberate__________ballet
incubate_______genuine________galoshes__________monotonous
elegance_______senile_________leukemia__________sinus
nostalgia______labyrinth______halitosis_________apologize
luminous_______debtor_________credible__________desperate
tribute________foreign________fascinating_______tomorrow
seduce_________muscle_________accomplish________February
unbelievable___tongue_________proceed___________separate
science________intoxicated____exhilaration______changeable
delicious______investigate____rhyme_____________fulfill
intensify______adequate_______appropriate_______irrelevant
pellet_________retrieve_______leisure___________mortgage
flamboyant_____deceive________piece_____________occasional
annoyance______tyranny________success___________recommend
nausea_________typhoon________sophomore_________analysis
preferred______cylinder_______appearance________committee
lettuce________luxurious______thorough__________article
inspiration____reliable_______candidate_________committed
citation_______macabre________conceive__________conspicuous
embraceable____wart___________criticism_________discipline
arrangement____drowsy_________environment_______specifically
maniac_________comrade________experiment________nevertheless
definable______prophecy_______angel_____________illuminate
severity_______conscience_____equivocate________congenial
graphite_______fascination____neighbor__________boycott
accessible_____havoc__________levity____________metaphor
adequately_____vicinity_______reverberate_______resilient
psychology_____garments_______mausoleum_________medieval
permissible____distress_______novice____________nuance
commit_________gorgeous_______obituary__________residue
receive________trembling______pamphlet__________saccharine
confinement____disgrace_______sermonize_________meander
curious________mysterious_____therapy___________flagrant
legible________enthusiasm_____despondent________perforate
instructor_____moonlit________simultaneous______silhouette
ignorance______recuperate_____pendulum__________obnoxious
maidenly_______prestige_______incomprehensible__bashfulness
luxurious______infirmity______penance___________thicket
partition______derelict_______vanquish__________clutter
abrupt_________harlot_________nucleus___________tenement
eligible_______podium_________rendezvous________consensus
sarcasm________thesaurus______console_____hors d'oeuvres
fallible_______muzzle_________loathe____________lopsided
memorial_______stalwart_______logo______________zombie
wayward________taunt__________sterile___________invincible
pedicure_______sequel_________antagonist________perimeter
davenport______ostracize______mooch_____________inebriate
haven__________pavilion_______minstrel__________majestic
haunt__________cliché_________finance___________magnify
vendetta_______sewage_________subtle____________yacht
seduce_________episode________insulate__________morsel
index__________masquerade_____fidget____________posse
staunch________zephyr_________confiscate________gnaw
fossil_________luster_________feline____________dictator
academic_______retaliate______austere___________mingle
misdemeanor____niche__________banquet___________hubbub
paternal_______dismal_________fraudulent________limber
pact___________penetrate______penitentiary______olerance
insignia_______yoke___________immigrant_________familiarity
destitute______desolate_______shirk_____________recipient
inaudible______anonymous______sympathetic_______endure
despair________pension________trivial___________accomplice
maim___________ovation________reluctance________monarch
linger_________fiasco_________lax_______________legible
lecture________discreet_______intercept_________prolong
language_______attendance_____dilemma___________sophistication

Vocabulary Roots

Compiled by Jim Willis

Roots (Latin) - Meaning - Examples


audi - hear - audition, audience


capit,caput - head - cap, capital

cor, cord,car - heart - coronary, cardiologist

corpus, corpor - body - corpse, corporeal


dic, dict - say - dictate, dictator

dors - back - dorsal


homo - man - human, homo sapiens


lingu - language,tongue - lingual, linguistics

loqu, locu - speak - elocution, soliloquy

luna - moon - lunar


manu - - manual


omni - all - omniscient, omnipresent


pes, ped - foot - pedal, pedestrian


sci - know,knowledge - science, omniscient

simul,simil,sembl - same,alike - similar, resemblance

sider - star - sidereal

solo, soli - sun - solar

spec - look,- spectator, speculation

sono - sound - sonic

stell, stella - star - stellar, constellation


ventr - belly,abdomen - ventral

verb - word - verbal, verb, verbatim

vid, vis - see - video, vision,

vir - man - virile, virility

voc - call - vocal, vocation



ROOTS (Greek) - MEANING - EXAMPLES


anthropo - man - anthropology,

arch, arche - old, ancient - archeology

arch, archy - rule, ruler - anarchy, oligarchy,

astra, aster - star - astronomy, astronaut

auto - self - autocrat, automobile,


biblio - book - bible, bibliography

bios, bio, biot - life - biosphere, biology


chrom, chrome - color - chromatic, chromosome

chron - time - chronology, chronological

cine, kine - motion - cinema, kinetic

cosmo - world - cosmic, cosmology

crat, cracy - rule - autocrat, democrat


demo - people - democrat, democracy,

derm - skin - dermal, dermatology

dyn, dyno - power - dynamic, dynamism


ethno - nation, culture - ethnology, ethnic


gam, gamy - marriage - bigamy, polygamy

geo - earth - geology

gram, graph, graphy - write - diagram, gramophone

gyn, gynec - - gynecology, misogyny


helico - spiral - helicopter

helio - sun - helium, heliocentric

hydra, hydro - water - hydrant, hydrophobia,


iso - equal, same - isotope


lith, litho - stone - lithograph

logy - study - geology, biology,


macro - large - macrocosm

mania - madness - mania, manic, maniac

megalo, mega - big, enlarged - megaphone, megalopolis,

meso, med - middle - mesograph, medium,

meter, metr - measure - metric, meter

micro - small - microscope, microcosm

miso - hate - misanthropist,

morph - form - morphology,


neo - new - neophyte, neoclassic


pan, panto - all - panorama, panacea

path, pathy - feeling - pathetic, apathy

ped - child - pedantic

petr, petro - rock - petroleum, petrify

phil - love - philosophy

phobe - fear - phobia, homophobia

phon - sound - phone, phonetic

photo - light - photography

phys - nature - physical, physics

pluto - wealth - plutocrat, plutocracy

pod - foot - podiatry, podiatrist

polis - city - metropolis, politics

psyche - soul, spirit, mind - psychology, psychiatry,


scope - view - scope, telescope

soma - body - somatic, chromosome

stat - stand - static, stationary


techn - skill, art - technology, technical

tele - distance - telephone, telegram

theo - god - theology, atheist

therap - cure - therapy, therapeutic

therm - heat - thermal, thermometer


Numbers

Latin - Greek - English


Uni - proto - one

bi, bin, bis - deutero - two

tri - tri - three

quadra, quatra - tetra - four

quin, quinque - penta - five

Vocabulary Roots

Compiled by Steve Sneeringer

ROOTS-MEANING-EXAMPLES

acea-healing, cure-panacea

acr, acro-high, height-acrobat, acrophobia

alt, alti-high, height-altitude, altimeter

ambi-both-ambidextrous, ambivalent

anemo-wind-anemometer

ang-angle or corner-hexangular, quadrangle

anglo-English-Anglophile, Anglo Saxon

anim-life, spirit, soul-_animation, unanimous

annu-life or years-biannual, annually

anthropo-man, human being-anthropology, philanthropist

apo-away, off, from-apogee, apology

aqu, aque, aqua-water-aquarium, aquatic, aqueduct

arch, archy-rule-anarchist, monarchy

archeo-ancient, very old-archeology

aristo-best-aristocracy

aster, astro, astro-star or stars-astronomy, astronaut, asteroid

athlon-physical contest-decathlon, athlete

audi-to hear-audible, auditorium, audiometer

auto, auth-of, by, or for self-author, automobile, autopsy

baro-pressure, weight-barometer

biblio-book-bibliography, bibliophile

bi, bio-life, living-biopsy, biography, biology

camer - chamber - bicameral, unicameral

capit - head - decapitate, capital, capitol

carn - flesh, meat - incarnation, carnage

cast - to record - forecast, telecast

cede - to go, to move - precede, antecedent

cell - small room, cell - unicell, cellular

cent, centi, centu - a hundred, a hundredth - centennial, centimeter, century

chron, chrono - time - chronic, chronological

cide - to kill - homicide, suicidal

circ, circum - around, about - circumference, semicircle

claustro - to confine, close - claustrophobia

colon - a punctuation(:) - semicolon

corn - horn, horned - unicorn, bicorn

coron - crown - coronet, coronation

cosmo - world, universe - microcosm, cosmonaut

cracy, crat - rule, government - aristocratic, democrat, theocracy

cred - belief, trust, faith - credible, creditor

crit - to judge - critical, hypocritical

cuit - to cook, cooked - biscuit

cur - to run - concur, current

cure - to heal - pedicure, manicurist

cycle - a circle or wheel - bicycle, cyclical

dec, deca - ten, a tenth part - decade, December,

deci, decim - decimal - decigram

demo - people - democracy

dent - tooth - denture, dentist

derm - skin - dermatology

dextr - the right hand - ambidextrous, dexterity

dict - to say, to speak - dictator

du - two - duet, dual, duality, duo

duce, duct - to lead - aqueduct, produce, deduction

eco - environment - ecology

eco - management of - economy

en, ennial - year - centenarian, biennial, millennium

entomo - insect - entomology

esthesia - sensation, feeling - anesthesia

etymo - true - etymology

eu - well, good - eulogy, euphemism

eval - of a certain time - medieval, primeval

fact - to make, to do - factory, manufacture

fix - to fasten - prefix, fixture

foc - focus, lens - bifocals, focal

gamy - marriage, union - bigamy, monogamy, polygamy

gen - of such a kind - homogenize, hydrogen

geo, gee - the earth - geology, geography, apogee

gnosis - knowledge - diagnosis, prognosis

gon - angle or corner - diagonal, pentagon

grad - a step, degree - gradual, centigrade, graduate

gram - metric weight - centigram, milligram

gram - a writing - telegram, diagram

graph - written - biography, polygraph autobiography, paragraph

hecto - a hundred - hectogram

hedron - surfaces or seats - polyhedron

helio - the sun - heliotropism, heliocentric

hem, hemo, emia - blood - hemorrhage, hemophilia, leukemia

hept, hepta - seven - heptagon

hex, hexa - six - hexagon

histor - knowing, learned - history, prehistoric, historian

hom, homo - same, like - homonym, homogeneous

homi, homo - man - homicide, Homo Sapiens

hum - ground, earth, soil - posthumously, humus, humble

hydr, hydro - water - hydrant, hydrology, hydrophobia

iatrist, iatry - healing, curing - psychiatrist, podiatry

isl - island - isle, islet

it - to go - transit

ject - to throw, to cast - reject, project, subject

kilo - a thousand - kilometer

lab, laborat - work - collaborate, laboratory

latera - side or sides - bilateral, multilateral. lateral

lavat - to wash - to clean lavatory

lect - to choose, to gather - collect, neglect

leg - to read - illegible

leg - law, lawful - legal, illegitimate

leuk - white, colorless - leukemia

libr - book or books - library, libretto

lingu - language, tongue - bilingual, linguist

liter - metric volume - centiliter, milliliter

logy - a study of - zoological, biologist,

log, log - a speech - soliloquy, monologue

luc, lumin, lustr - to light, to shine - illuminate, translucent, illustrate

lun - the moon - semilunar, lunar

macro - great, large - macrocosm

mania - a madness - monomania

man, mani, manu - the hand - manage, manicure, manual

mare, mari - of the sea - aquamarine, submarine

medi, medio - in the middle - mediator, median, mediocre

mega - large, great - megaphone

mela - black, dark - melanoma, Melanesia

merge - to arise, to plunge - submerge

meri - the middle - antemeridan

meter, metry - a measure - barometer, trigonometry

micr, micro - small, a millionth - micrometer, microcosm,

mil, mille, milli - a thousand - millennium, millimeter, mile

mobile - move, moving - automobile, mobility

mon, mono - one, single, alone - monarch, monopoly, monologue

monit - a warning - premonition, monitor

mor - a way of acting - immoral, morality

mor, mors, mortem - death - postmortem

mort, mortu - to die, death - mortal, mortuary

mot - motion - commotion

mult, multi - many, more than - multilateral, multiplicity, multitude

mur - wall - intramural, mural

natur - nature - supernatural, natural

naut - navigation, sailor - nautical, astronaut, aquanaut

nesia - island or islands - Polynesia, Micronesia

neuro - nerve or nerves - neurology

nomy - law, the science of - astronomy, economy

non, nona, nove - nine - nonagon, novennial, November

norm - rule, pattern - abnormal, normalcy

nov - new - novel, renovate, novice

ocle, ocul - the eye or eyes - binocular, monocle, oculist

oct, octa, octo - eight - octant, octagon, October, octopus

ohm - unit of electrical resistance - microhm, ohm

onym - word, name - pseudonym, synonymous, anonymous

oper - labor, work - opera, cooperate, operation, operetta

opsy, opto - sight, vision - autopsy, biopsy, optometry

orama - a view, a sight - diorama, panorama

ov - egg or eggs - ovary, ovum

pan - all, every - panacea, panorama

pass, path, pathy - suffering, feeling - compassion, pathetic, sympathy

ped, pedi - foot, feet - pedal, pedestrian, pedicure

ped, pod - foot, feet - pedometer, podiatrist

pent, penta, pus - five - pentathlon, Pentagon, platypus

petr, petro - rock, stone - petroleum, petroglyph

phil, phil, philia - to love, loving - philanthropist, philosopher

phile - love - Anglophile, hemophilia

phobe, phobia - abnormal fear - homophobe, claustrophobia

phon, phono, phony -sound-phonics, phonograph,microphone, symphony, telephone

photo-light-photograph, photocopy, photosynthesis

plane-flat, level, winged-aquaplane, biplane

ple, ply-thickness, to fold-multiple, triplet, triplicate

Pluto-wealth, wealthy-plutocracy, plutocratic

pol, polis-_cities, city-metropolis, megalopolis

Dead Words

A lot was so fine, I used it all the time.

Stuff used to be great, but now it's just too late.

Swell was such a pal, and now...it's foul.

Neat was so sweet, now using it won't be a treat.

A bunch of, "What a phrase!" but it no longer pays.

All of these words are gone and dead now.

Convicted of being mundane,

Hopefully these words will stay away

or our teacher is liable to become profane.

The following words and phrases have been put to rest forever:

Thing
Mess around
Something
A lot
A great deal
Anything
Lots of
Stuff
Everything
Well
All kinds of
Nothing
Really
Cool
Kind of
Real
Cause
Cuz
Sort of
Pretty (as in "pretty good")
Total
Totally
You (except for in a quote or if the writer is actually speaking directly to the reader.
Kid
Til
A whole bunch
Neat
Got
Get
In this paragraph, I'm going to...
I think that, I believe that, I feel that . . . (the whole paper is what you think, believe, and feel)
To me, in my opinion . . .
Ok
Okay
In conclusion
And then
Etc.
Is/was
Because of (could of/ could’ve)

Third Grade Errors

its (possessive) -- it's (contraction for "it is")
there -- their -- they're
than -- then
which -- witch
too -- two -- to
your -- you're (contraction for "you are")
were -- we’re (contraction for "we are") -- where
know -- no -- now
are -- our
weather -- whether
through -- threw -- (thru)
loose -- lose
write -- right
sight -- site
went -- gone
a lot -- alot
all right -- alright
night, light -- nite, lite (slang usage)
enough, tough -- enuff, tuff (slang usage)
scared/afraid -- (you are afraid -- you scared your sister)

Improper Punctuation

Titles of novels, plays, or longer works are underlined or in bold-face type.
Titles of poems, short stories, or shorter works are encased in quotation marks or are in Italic type.

Vocabulary Lessons

Vocabulary: Week 1


ology = suffix meaning, "study of"

archeology (arche - old, ancient), biology (bio - life), theology (theos - god)

cosmology (cosmos - universe), geology (ge - earth)

psychology (psyche - mind), seismology (seismos - shock, earthquake)

Figure these ones out on your own

criminology, cosmetology, epistemology, pharmacology, technology (plus any more that you can come up with yourselves)


Analogies (ana - each of similar or equal value)


1. SHIP: OCEAN

a) fish: gill b) plane: air c) child: bath d) camel: water e) car: passengers

2. BOTANY : PLANTS

a) agriculture: herbs b) astronomy: stars c) philosophy: books d) anthropology : religion e) forestry : evergreens
3. CENSUS: POPULATION

a) catalog: pictures b) inventory: supplies c) detonation: explosion d) dictionary : words e) election : tally

Answers

1. A ship travels on the ocean just as a plane travels in the air.

2. Botany is the study of plants; astronomy is the study of stars.

3. A census counts the population; an inventory counts the supplies.


Grammar: Week 1


Put a comma before a conjunction (and, but, for, nor, or, yet, so, etc.) if what follows the conjunction can be a sentence by itself (an independent clause). If what follows the conjunction cannot be a sentence by itself (a dependent clause), do not put a comma.

Examples

I went to the store, and I bought a loaf of bread.

I saw the movie the other night, but I didn't like it.

(Use commas because "I bought a loaf of bread" and "I didn't like it" could be sentences by themselves.)
I went to the store and bought a loaf of bread.

I saw the movie the other night but didn't like it.

(Don't use commas because "bought a loaf of bread" and "didn't like it" could not be sentences by themselves.)




Vocabulary: Week 2


vert - a suffix meaning, "to turn" (from the Latin, vertere)

avert (averse, aversion) - to turn away

convert (conversion) - to turn with (to bring to one’s viewpoint)

divert (diversion) - to turn aside

extrovert (extroversion) - to turn outward

introvert (introversion) - to turn inward

invert (inverse, inversion) - to turn inside out or upside down

obvert (obverse) - to turn toward (a different side)

pervert (perverse, perversion) - to turn through (all the way to the other, usually non-acceptable, side)

revert (reverse) - to turn back

subvert (subversion) - to turn under (like subterfuge)

transverse - lying, being, or turning across

versatile - turning easily, adjustable

version - a different turn (as to a story)

verse - a turning of words from prose into poetry

versus - to be turned against, opposed

vertical - turned perpendicular to the horizon

vertigo - a state of turning dizzily

Possible uses


Math (as an example) - vertical angle, vertex, inverse function, etc.


Possible confusions


vert - green forest vegetation (This word comes from the French vert, meaning "green" and is related to our word, "verdant," meaning "green" or even "unripe."


Analogies


1. ACQUIESCE: REBEL

a) teach: professor b) cook: diner c) revise: editor

d) spread: butter e) starve: overeater

2. ADMONISH: WARN

a) pinch: touch b) irritate: pester c) reject: deter

d) scold: eulogize e) smirk: smile

3. ALLEVIATE: PAIN

a) assuage: fear b) decorate: parade c) refine: silo

d) grist: mill e) reform: dungeon

Answers

1. (e) It is difficult for a rebel to acquiesce (give in) because it goes against his very nature. Similarly, it is against an overeater’s nature to starve himself.

2. (b) To admonish means to warn; to irritate means to pester.

3. (a) It is good to alleviate (ease or lessen) one’s pain, just as it is good to assuage (ease or lessen) one’s fear.


Grammar: Week 2


With possessive nouns, what precedes the apostrophe is the possessor.

Examples

1. The girl’s dresses are pretty. (Only 1 girl possesses the dresses. Note that what precedes the apostrophe is "girl." Thus, the girl possesses the dresses.)

2. The girls’ dresses are pretty. (Many girls possess the dresses. Note that what precedes the apostrophe is "girls." Thus, the girls possess the dresses.)

Possible Problems

Beware of words like "men" and "women" which are already plural but don’t end in "s."

1. The women’s (not womens’) dresses are pretty. (Note that what precedes the apostrophe is "women." Thus, the women possess the dresses. There is no such word as "womens.")




Vocabulary: Week 3


mit (mis) — "to send" (from the Latin, "mittere")

admit (admission) — literally, "to send towards" (I admit you into my house)

commit (commission, commissioning) — literally, "to send with"

(I commit myself to teaching) (I commit myself to an asylum)

dismiss — "to send away"

emit (emission) — "to send out"

mission (missionary) — "what one is sent on to accomplish something"

missile — "an object sent"

missive — "a sent message or letter"

mittimus — literally, "we send," a warrant of commitment to prison

omit (omission) — "to send off," "to leave out"

permit (permission, permissible) — literally, "to send through," to allow

remit (remission) — "to send back"

submit (submission) — "to send under," as for approval

transmit (transmission) — "to send across"

Possible confusions


mis — a prefix meaning "badly" (misuse), "wrongly" (misjudge), "bad" (misdeed), "wrong" (mislabel), "opposite to" or "lack of" (mistrust).

mis, miso — a prefix meaning "hatred" (misogynist — a woman hater), (misanthrope — a hater of mankind).


Analogies


1. ALTRUISTIC: CHARITABLE

a) magnificent: unique b) benevolent: despotic c) final: tertiary

d) adamant: hardheaded e) renowned: infamous

2. ARDUOUS: HERCULEAN TASK

a) crowded: apartment b) shrewd: investment c) religious: rite

d) telltale: description e) venomous: poison

3. CACOPHONY: HARMONY

a) concord: flight b) affinity: knack c) honesty: candor

d) anarchy: order e) laziness: indolence

Answers


1. (d) If one is altruistic, he has unselfish regard for the welfare of others. His altruism then naturally leads to his being charitable. Similarly, if one is adamant, or unbending, he is labeled hardheaded. The word pairs are almost direct synonyms for each other

2. (e) Arduous means difficult, and a Herculean task would be an example of something arduous; an example of something venomous (poisonous) is poison.

3. (d) If there is cacophony, there is a lack of harmony; if there is anarchy, there is a lack of order.


Grammar: Week 3


their = belongs to them

they’re = they are

there = not here

there = (a "dummy" subject, with little or no meaning, in the clauses "there is," "there are," "there was," "there were," "there will be," etc.)

Example


The parents say that there are many reasons for their unhappiness there in their home, but, unfortunately, if they’re unhappy, they often blame their children. (I know - this is a stupid sentence; so sue me!)




Vocabulary: Week 4


port - a suffix and/or prefix meaning "carry" (from the Latin, "portare," to carry)

comport (comportment) - literally, to carry or bring together, to act in an appropriate manner

deport (deportation, deportee)- literally, to carry away

deportment - behavior, the way one carries oneself

export - to carry (or bring) out

import - to carry (or bring) in

portable - can be carried

portage - the labor of carrying

porter - one who carries (such as baggage)

portfolio - a hinged cover or flexible case for carrying loose papers or other materials

portmanteau - a large travelling bag

purport - the meaning conveyed, implied, or carried forward

report (reporter) - a message carried back

support (supporter)- literally, to carry under, to uphold

transport (transportation)- to carry across

Possible Confusions

port - harbor (from the Latin, portus, harbor)

portal - gate, gateway (from the Latin, porta, gate)


Analogies


1. CAJOLE: PERSUADE

a) insult: deride b) chew: swallow c) impress: dignify

d) coax: quiz e) scan: pursue

2. CATALYST: CHANGE

a) mixture: result b) architect: construction c) buffoon: circus

d) cache: theft e) agent: spy

3. DIATRIBE: SPEECH

a) allergy: pollen b) response: fable c) magnolia: tree

d) command: warning e) lightning: nature

Answers

1. (a) To "cajole" means to "persuade." Therefore, we are looking for direct synonyms. The only pair of such is to "insult" and to "deride." To "deride" means to "insult."

2. (b) A "catalyst" is an element that produces a "change." An "architect" is an element that produces a "construction."

3. (c) In the general category of "speech," a "diatribe is one specific type; in the general category of "tree," the "magnolia" is one specific type.


Grammar: Week 4


Two = 2 (e.g. A basket is worth two points.)

Too = also (e.g. I would like another slice of bride too.)

= very (or amount of or degree of) (e.g. It is too hot. You're too unreasonable.)

To = towards (e.g. I went to the store.)

= the infinitive, most basic, form of any verb (e.g. I like to walk, to run, to swim, etc.)

(In general, if the word doesn't mean "the number 2," "also" or "very," then it is spelled "to.")




Vocabulary: Week 5


dict - a suffix (and prefix) meaning "say" or "speak" (from the Latin, "dicere," meaning "to say."

addict - to apply or devote oneself habitually to; literally, "to say (yes) to."

benediction - a blessing, as at a religious service; literally, "to speak good (things)."

contradict (contradiction, contradictory) - to declare the opposite; literally, "to speak against."

dictate (dictation) - to speak aloud something for someone else to record.

dictator (dictate, dictatorial, dictatorship) - one whose word is law, an absolute ruler.

dictaphone - an instrument that records and reproduces speech.

diction - the use, choice, and arrangement of words in writing and speaking.

dictionary - a reference work containing the words of a language arranged alphabetically.

dictum (plural, dicta) - an authoritative, dogmatic utterance or pronouncement.

edict - an official decree publicly proclaimed; literally, "to speak out."

indict (indictment) - to accuse of a crime

interdict (interdiction) - to prohibit authoritatively; to ban; literally, "to speak between."

malediction - the speaking of a curse; literally, "to speak bad (things)."

predict (prediction, predictor) - to say beforehand.

valedictorian (valedictory) - the top student in a graduating class; literally, "the one who says good-bye." ("Vale" in Latin means "good-bye.")

verdict - a jury’s decision; literally, "to say true."


Analogies


1. DESPOT: POPULACE

a) teacher: parents b) editor: publisher c) meteorologist: rain

d) carton: books e) monarch: citizenry

2. DIMINUTION: EXPANSION

a) disease: treatment b) typing: communication c) calm: anger

d) calories: exercise e) theatre: drama

3. CLANDESTINE: MEETING

a) boring: essay b) shrewd: ambition c) tropical: coat

d) ornamental: gathering e) clearance: sale

Answers

1. (e) As a "despot" rules over the "populace," a "monarch" rules over the "citizenry."

2. (c) "Diminution" means a lessening and is, therefore, the opposite of "expansion"; "calm" and "anger" are opposite emotions.

3. "Clandestine" (secret) is an adjective describing one possible kind of "meeting"; "clearance" is an adjective describing one possible kind of "sale."


Grammar: Week 5


Use of semicolons


1) Semicolons are used to separate closely related independent clauses.

"The teacher spoke; the student listened."

Incorrect use: "I went to the store; I bought bread." The two clauses are independent (meaning they could stand alone as sentences), but they are not closely related. A period, not a semicolon should follow the word "store." DON'T OVERUSE SEMICOLONS.

2) Semicolons are used to separate items in a list when the individual items already contain commas.

"My favorite cities are Paris, France; Salzburg, Austria; Prague, Czech Republic; and San Francisco, California."

"My children’s birth dates were March 16, 1970; November 2, 1971; October 24, 1977; October 26, 1979; and October 23, 1984."

3) Semicolons are used with transition words (moreover, therefore, however, nevertheless, nonetheless, thus, etc.).

"He studied; however, he failed."

"She was very tired; therefore, she chose to stay home."




Vocabulary: Week 6


Greek Roots


tele - distance

graphikos - writing

gramma - a letter

skopos - watcher

pathos - suffering, feeling

phone - sound

metron - measure

Combining the Greek roots above, figure out what the following words mean:
telephone

telegram

telegraph

telescope

phonograph

gramophone

graphology

telepathy

telemetry

television (videre means, "to see" in Latin)


Analogies


1. DISPOSITION: EVIL

a) face: wrinkled b) publication: bargain c) tennis: serious

d) robot: communicative e) catcall: unpleasant

2. DISDAIN: ADMIRATION

a) vim: vigor b) heat: dampness c) stubbornness: flexibility

d) inspiration: sermon e) sorrow: melancholy

3. EULOGY: SPEECH

a) no-hitter: baseball game b) fledgling: professional

c) survey: conclusion d) sincerity: tenderness

e) effrontery: composure

Answers:

1. (a) One kind of "disposition" is an "evil" disposition; one kind of "face" is a "wrinkled" face.

2. (c) "Disdain" is the opposite of "admiration," and "stubbornness is the opposite of "flexibility."

3. (a) A "eulogy" is one type of "speech"; a "no-hitter" is one type of "baseball game."


Grammar: Week 6


Put commas between items in a series. The comma before the "and" which precedes the final entry in the series is optional, but in the professional world this final, "serial" comma is preferred.

e.g. I like football, baseball, soccer, and basketball. (preferred)
I like football, baseball, soccer and basketball. (acceptable because the "and" already separates the last two items)




Vocabulary: Week 7


More Greek Roots


hydor - water

kephale - head

logos - study of

phobos - fear

pathos - suffering, feeling

akros - topmost point

anthropos - man (in the sense of mankind)

gyne - woman

misein - to hate

philos - love

adelphos - brother

sophia - wisdom

Combining the Greek roots above, figure out what the following words mean:
hydrophobia

hydrocephalic

hydra

hydrology

hydrostatic ("staticus" in Latin means "stationary")

hydropathy

acrophobia

misanthrope

misogynist

gynecology

philanthropist

Philadelphia

philosophy


Analogies


1. DOGMATIC: BLAND

a) compatible: dissipated b) authoritarian: passive

c) austere: caustic d) dilatory: tardy

e) whimsical: capricious

2. ENIGMA: DETECTIVE

a) aberration: fisherman b) feast: despot

c) dream: psychiatrist d) affinity: mathematician

e) crystal ball: clairvoyant

3. GUILE: SWINDLER

a) chisel: carpenter b) regulation: contestant

c) disparity: tailor d) disdain: receptionist

e) catharsis: surgeon

Answers

1. (b) If a person is "dogmatic," he is "authoritarian," unbending. If a person is "bland," he is "passive," easily controlled. "Dogmatic" and "bland" are not exactly opposites, but

they are very dissimilar. "Austere" and "caustic" are very similar in meaning, and "dilatory’’ means "tardy" just as "whimsical" means "capricious."

2. (c) A "detective" analyses an "enigma" to solve the problem; a "psychiatrist" analyses a "dream" to help solve a patient’s problem. A "clairvoyant" doesn’t analyze a "crystal

ball" but uses it in "solving" a problem.

3. (a) Just as a "swindler" uses "guile" or trickery as a tool, one of a "carpenter’s" tools is a "chisel."


Grammar: Week 7


In the subjunctive (conditional situations or wishes) mood, the word "were" is used instead of the word "was."

Correct - Incorrect

If I were king ... If I was king ...

If she were only here ... If she was only here ...

Would that he were more honest! Would that he was more honest!




Vocabulary: Week 8


Latin Prefixes


- inter, intra, per, trans
inter - between, among

intra - within

per - through (also adds "completion" to a word)

trans - across

The Latin word "murus" means "wall," and "schola" means "school". What are "interscholastic" sports as opposed to "intramural" sports?

Figure out what the following words mean:

interdenominational

intercontinental

interfere

interlude

interstate

intrastate

intravenous

perfect ("-fect" comes from the Latin word "facio," meaning "to make or do.")

perform

transform

permeate

permit

transmit

permutation

transmutation

transport

transatlantic

transparent


Analogies


1. EXPUNGE: ERASE

a) sprint: shuffle b) denounce: project c) rinse: cleanse

d) defeat: conquer e) detonate: smother

2. EBB: FLOOD

a) erupt: forest b) faint: shock c) cajole: harmony

d) subside: anger e) coalesce: demeanor

3. IMMATERIAL: SUBSTANTIAL

a) lustrous: gleaming b) dominant: influential c) loyal: treacherous

d) cordial: warm e) capricious: devious

Answers:

1. (d) To "expunge" and to "erase" both mean to "wipe out" or "get rid of." Therefore, they are direct synonyms. The only other such pair is "defeat" and "conquer."

2. (d) When a "flood" "ebbs," it decreases. When "anger" "subsides," it decreases.

3. (c) "Immaterial" and "substantial" are antonyms, opposites. The other pair of antonyms is "loyal" and "treacherous."


Grammar: Week 8


Place commas before and after an appositive. (An appositive is a noun that further explains another noun immediately preceding it in the sentence.)

Examples

My best friend, Bill, lives in San Francisco.

My favorite short story, "A Rose for Emily," was written by Faulkner.

Our Crazy English Language

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb thru annals of history but not a single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Send shipments by car and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?

Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

The Van Gogh Family Tree

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother - Please Gogh

His dizzy aunt- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store - Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia - U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white - Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois - Chica Gogh

His magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin - Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half brother - Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach - Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle - Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt - Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle - Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst - E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin - Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew - Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco - Go Gogh

His Italian uncle - Day Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van - Winnie Bay Gogh

Ough (or should it be, “Ouch”?)

What if the first “ough” word you knew was “enough.” You would assume that the combination “ough” would be pronounce “uff.” Well, let’s see.

enough (uff)
cough (off)
though (o)
bough (ow)
through (oo)
ought (a)

Thus there are at least SIX different pronunciations in English for the letter combination "ough"! Crazy!



Enough Women?

The only three English words you know how to pronounce and spell are “enough,” “women,” “nation.”

I then ask you to spell “fish.” Watch this.

The “f” sound is the “gh” in “ghoti.”
The “I” sound is the “o” in “women”
The “sh” sound is the “ti” in “nation.”

Thus, you’d logically spell “fish” “gh-o-ti.” How close in sound is “ghoti” to “fish”? Crazy!



More Inconsistencies in English

The possessive form of the pronoun, "I" is "my,"
The possessive form of the pronoun, "you" is "your,"
The possessive form of the pronoun, "we" is "our,"
The possessive form of the pronoun, "you" (plural) is "your,"
The possessive form of the pronoun, "he" is "his,"
The possessive form of the pronoun, "she" is "her."
The possessive form of the pronoun, "it" is "its,"
The possessive form of the pronoun, "they" is "their."

Thus it can be my house, your house, our house, or your (pl.) house. Similarly, it can be my self (myself), your self (yourself), our selves (ourselves), your selves (yourselves) and her self (herself).

Now the problem: it should be his self (hisself), its self (itsself), and their selves (theirselves). But those are all incorrect. The proper words are "himself," "itself," and "themselves." Figure that one out!

I have often heard immigrants say "hisself" and "theirselves," and so of us probably laugh at their "error." They are actually being very consistent and logical.



Essays

I have always felt that I could be a writer. However, I could never come up with an interesting topic. There is one exception to that: our youngest child (the fifth of five), Colin, was born in 1984 and passed away in 1991. His life was the high point/low point of our lives. He was such a sweetheart! On the first anniversary of his death, which occurred on August 4, 1991, I wrote the following. It poured out of my heart. Everyone who reads this somehow brings Colin back to life, and that makes me very, very happy and very proud. After you read this, you, too, will be his friend. Enjoy!

Jim Willis



August 4, 1992

A year ago today, my son died. A year ago today, my six year old son, Colin died. A year ago today, a big part of my life, a part that I cannot retrieve, died. It just shouldn't be that way. I buried my 84-year-old-father a little over 3 years ago, and my mom died when I was 16, and even though both of those deaths caused me much sorrow, they were in the natural order of things. A child should bury his parents. But a parent bury his child! No! That's not the way it should be. I have a very strong faith, and thank God I do (as faith is crucial in my dealing with all of this), but someday I hope to have the chance to ask the Creator about why Colin died so young. I know He will have the perfect, loving answer, and I already have a few insights into what He might say, but I still must ask the question.

Colin was our fifth child, Claudia's and mine. I didn't "sit in" on the births of our first two children (Erin in 1970 and Robert in 1971) because, like many men, I thought the experience would be too gory, and in those days, men typically stayed out in the waiting room and paced or smoked or both. I did both. In 1977, Corrigan, Willis child #3, entered this world, and I was there. I had heard about the "miracle of birth," but those words were just a pious phrase for me until that day. It's almost impossible to put into words the pride, joy, ecstasy, awe, and humility that one can feel at that moment. Suffice it to say that I felt all of those things -- and many more. One humorous thing happened at Corrigan's birth. When he was only a few seconds old, the doctor placed him on his back on Claudia's stomach, and he proceeded to urinate into his own eye. I said, "welcome to the world, son," and the obstetrician and attending nurses were in hysterics. Just a few minutes before, he was warm and cozy in his protected environment, and then all those muscles were pushing on him, he came out into the cold world, lights were shining on him, people were touching him, and then this "stuff" was hitting his eye. You just have to like someone who begins life that way. He has lived up to being a character ever since. In 1979, our fourth child, Kenon, was born, and I was again present. He managed to control himself at the time.

But then the date was October 23, 1984. I was 40 years old, and Claudia was 36. That particular year (1984) had been by far the most difficult of my life. Besides my full time job as an English and Latin instructor at Granada High School in Livermore, California, I spent three hours per day after school teaching students to drive. Two nights per week, I taught a college-level English class at a nearby federal prison (FCI -- where Patty Hearst and Sara Jane Moore were incarcerated), and Claudia and I were in charge of the youth ministry (high school age) group for our local Catholic parish, St. Charles. About 100 youth showed up every Sunday night for our meetings, and besides putting together those meetings -- which had to be inspiring and entertaining to keep the kids coming -- we also had to arrange weekend retreats, seminars, social functions, outreach programs into the community, etc. We probably put about 20 hours per week into the youth group. Every Thursday night, for instance, I spent two hours in a room at the church, and young men and women could talk with me in confidence about anything. I was overwhelmed at some of the misery in the lives of those seemingly ordinary young people. Many laid their problems on my shoulders, as did some of my students at the federal prison.

As if all of this weren't enough, a local family was going through a divorce, and their 16 year old daughter stayed with us during the 1983-1984 school year. We were thus exposed to teenage problems a few years before we were quite ready for them. One other problem I was facing at the time was a high school student of mine who was making sexual advance toward me -- a problem I found very difficult to handle. And then Claudia became pregnant (unexpectedly) for the fifth time.

The upshot of all this was that on March 21, 1984, I had a severe anxiety attack, and it happened in front of my students at Granada. We were reading Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman aloud in class, and I was reading the part of Willy Loman. All of a sudden, I felt as if I were standing on the edge of a steep cliff, reaching back, and holding on to a spiderweb-like string. That string was sanity, and if I let go of it, I was finished. All I could think of was that I was going insane and I was leaving Claudia with four children and pregnant with her fifth! That evening, she took me to the hospital, and, after much testing, the doctor prescribed valium (three pills). I was afraid to take those pills because if I recovered, I would be convinced that the pills had cured me and that I would "need" them any time a problem arose. To this day (more than eight years later) I still have those three pills. I rested for about four days, quit my job at the prison, and scaled down my time with the youth group. I was a volcano that erupted. We can only take so much pressure in our lives before we somehow explode. That was the most frightening experience of my life.

Also in 1984, I took out a sizable second mortgage on our home for investment purposes. Unfortunately, the real estate broker that I invested with went bankrupt a few months after I turned over the money to her. My $27,000 went directly down the drain. That was probably the most maddening experience of my life.

Are you catching a general drift about my year in 1984? I've often thought that I would write a book and entitle it Damn You, George Orwell, but he (and that year) are things I want to forget, not remember, and so I'd rather write about Colin, lest I forget.

I mentioned that I was a volcano. Well, maybe instead I was an earthquake, and as an earthquake fault has to let off pressure through little quakes occasionally to avoid "the big one," I had to have the anxiety attack so that I could deal with the much larger "tragedy" that was to hit our family in October of 1984. The night was October 23. Claudia and I were in the delivery room awaiting the birth of our fifth child. At Corrigan's and Kenon's births, the first words of the doctor were something like, "You have a healthy little boy!" This time the first words were, "We have a problem." Can you imagine what those four seemingly harmless words did to us? It was like driving spikes right through our hearts. At his birth, there was an immediate burst of activity by doctors and nurses, and some obvious anomalies. He had a cleft lip, a bilateral cleft palate, two abrasions on the top of his head where the skin did not close properly, an additional finger on each hand and an additional little toe on each foot, very tense muscle tone in his legs and arms, a hernia in the groin area, and a narrow artery between the right lung and the heart. With all these anomalies, the doctors immediately suspected a chromosomal abnormality, and so a geneticist from Oakland saw Colin late that morning. He took a blood sample so that white blood cells could be grown for a chromosome study. By that next Saturday, the test results were in.


Colin, shortly after birth

Colin was diagnosed as having a rare syndrome called Trisomy 13. The prognosis for the syndrome was congenital heart problems, respiratory problems, severe to profound mental retardation and a much shortened life span. We were told that 60% of such babies die before they leave the hospital, 30% live up to a year, and about 10% survive to three years of age. Colin lived to almost seven, and so, as you can see, he was in the very top percentile. What a stud -- well, he was a Willis! Colin, thank God, did not have congenital heart problems, and all his major organs and digestive system worked well. While most such babies are around four pounds at birth, Colin was seven pounds. He also seemed stronger and more alert than most such babies -- a tribute to Claudia's care of him and of herself during pregnancy.

I would like to relate one incident from the night of his birth. When he was just a few hours old, a doctor asked me if Claudia had had amniocentesis done. If so, we would have known ahead of time about Colin's genetic "condition." The implication, I thought, was that if we had done that testing, we would have known a problem existed, and, of course, we could have "taken care of" that problem. I interrupted the doctor in mid-sentence and told him to end the discussion immediately before I became too irritated. I am a big man, and I was going through some intense emotions that night. I let him know that Colin was not a problem; he was our son. Most of the doctors we dealt with during Colin's life were wonderful; that particular one could have used some sensitivity training.


Claudia, Jim (1986)

Willis kids (1986)

Colin spent his first week of life in the neonatal intensive care unit, and we learned to greatly appreciate the courage and caring of the nurses there. They did so much for us, and apparently we did something for them. We later learned that one nurse, who was married to a pediatrician, had been afraid to have children because she was daily working with children who were very sick or even dying. Apparently, when she saw how we all welcomed Colin into our family with so much love, she began to reconsider her opinion on having children. It's amazing the impact we can have on each other's lives!

From the beginning, we never asked "why," either of God or of the doctors. There was no good answer to that question, and it could only lead to bitterness and even blame. Instead we asked "what" -- what do we do to make Colin's life pleasant and meaningful, and what do we do to learn to deal with the adjustments he would bring into our lives? We lovingly welcomed him into his special place in our family and in the process became, I believe, stronger, more loving and more compassionate. I think that was the healthy way to deal with the situation.

In the first few weeks of his life, we had three very frightening experiences. The second and third were almost carbon copies of the first incident, which I'll now relate to you. One time Colin started to aspirate some amoxicillin that Claudia was giving him for an ear infection. She did all the right things -- used the bulb syringe to clear his throat and administered CPR, but he didn't respond quickly enough, and so she called 911. The firemen arrived and gave him oxygen; the ambulance then took him to the local hospital, where he was stabilized, and we then took him to Kaiser Hospital in Walnut Creek for a thorough "going-over." Claudia thought that first time that he was actually dead in her arms. That is an experience beyond description. By the way, that was just the first of many such trips.

Colin's lip and his palate were both surgically repaired in 1985, and the doctors tied off the two extra fingers. As there was no bone in the connective tissue, they soon afterward fell away. We chose to do nothing about the additional toes because they had bones in them and would have to be amputated. Why put him through any more than we had to? If we felt that he might have walked someday, then we would have done something about the toes. Over the years, he also had two hernia surgeries, a testicle surgery, and a series of ear implants. The poor little guy -- he went through such hell, and yet he was always so happy! An ophthalmologist also diagnosed a condition called Iris Coloboma, which meant that part of the iris was missing, and he also found a small cataract. Subsequently, Colin was fitted with "coke bottle" glasses, which he often ripped from his head and tossed as far as he could.

We have, many a time since Colin's arrival, thanked God for our faith, for the support of each other, and for the support from our church community and our friends. Speaking of which, when Colin first came home from the hospital after birth, we had three weeks of dinners brought in nightly to us by fellow parishioners. However, I wish the effort had been better coordinated -- in the 21 days, we had 16 lasagnas! In fact, one night (probably about the 15th of the 21), a person whom I barely knew was standing at our front door and holding a full-course meal for six. The meal included drinks and a dessert, all in throwaway containers so we wouldn't have to worry about washing and returning dishes. As I was profusely thanking this kind person, in the background, Corrigan, who was then seven, loudly said, "I hope it's not lasagna." It was! Imagine the embarrassment I felt and the lesson Corrigan then received in prudence.

Over the years, Colin made progress, but the progress was subtle. At the point of his death, he was developmentally the equivalent of about a nine-month-old. He didn't walk or talk, but he did an army crawl (occasional four-point crawling), pulled himself up to standing, sat unassisted, waved "hello" and "bye" spontaneously, spoon-fed himself and drank with assistance from a glass, and he was always in such a good mood! What a little sweetheart!

The burden of Colin fell, of course, most heavily on Claudia, and his care dominated her life. He got around in a wheelchair, and we had a van with a lift. Claudia was constantly with Colin at some or other doctor's office, and a big share of her time was taken up with just feeding him. It was a total act of love on her part.

The first few months of Colin's life were especially difficult for all of us. It would take approximately one and a half hours to feed him four ounces of milk, and he would be able to keep down only about half of that. He had to be fed in a perfectly upright position because of the cleft palate. If any milk got up inside the opening at the roof of his mouth, it could lead to pneumonia. Because he was getting so little nourishment, he had to be fed approximately every two hours. Thus, there was only about a half hour break between his feedings. That presented one problem during the day, but imagine what it meant at night! Whoever fed him (Claudia or I) slept with him on the couch in the family room. It made no sense to keep both of us awake all night. I fed Colin on Friday and Saturday nights, and by the time Sunday morning rolled around, I was like a zombie, my eyes burned, and I had a terrible headache. You see, whoever fed him got only little naps all night long, totaling two to three hours. And to think that Claudia fed him that way for five straight days (every Monday through Thursday) for almost ten months! She couldn't sleep during the day either because of his constant feeding schedule, plus she had four other kids, a house, and a husband to care for. I don't know how she did it. Oh, yes I do. I can say it in one word -- love. In the summer of 1985 (when he was about ten months old), Colin had major surgery on his palate, and that dramatically changed his eating and his life. He began to sleep like a normal infant, getting up once or, at most, twice during the night. Can you imagine how relieved we were?

I want to share one great story from the early months of Colin's life. When I went to work at Granada each day, I was often extremely tired, scared, or depressed. I had a chart on the blackboard, and every day I would mark a number on that chart, giving my students some indication of how I was doing. A ten, for instance, was the way I felt on my honeymoon; a nine, the way I felt when the Oakland A's won their third consecutive world series; a two, the way I felt when I had my anxiety attack the previous March, etc. I usually marked a five or six, and my students took their cue from the mark. They would realize, for instance, that on a "four" day, I couldn't take much noise or kidding. They were wonderful about it. And now to the great story I want to share.

For years, I had always read to my students "Barrington Bunny," a little parable from Martin Bell's book, The Way of the Wolf, on the last school day before Christmas vacation. This may sound silly, but it's a story about Barrington, a lonesome bunny who finally realizes that he is unique and valuable and that all the animals in the forest are part of his family. After coming to these realizations, however, he dies. The story is very moving, and it becomes a springboard for deep, philosophical discussions about self-worth, self-sacrifice, the unity of all mankind, prejudice, and many other topics. Barrington gave and expected nothing in return -- no recognition as the giver, not even a thank you. I feel this is the perfect giving -- giving with no strings attached, with no expectations of a return gift. Christ Himself gave the gift of eternal life to the very people who were killing Him; thus, I feel the story is a perfect Christmas story.

Anyhow, it was the last school day before Christmas vacation in 1984. I was depressed and did not really feel in the mood to read "Barrington" to my students. But then I realized that it was unfair to cheat them of the experience because they just happened to be in my class at this low point of my life. And so, I faked enthusiasm and read the story. A week or so later, on Christmas eve, there was a knock on our front door, and Corrigan (who was then seven) went to the door and then told me that no one was there but that a large envelope was on the porch. On the outside of the envelope, the following message was written in letters cut from magazines and pasted on: "Mr. Willis, here is a gift, a free gift, with no strings attached. We love you." It was unsigned. It had to be from students of mine because of the direct quote from "Barrington." I opened the envelope, and inside were 200 one-dollar bills! I sat down on the front steps and wept for about 15 minutes. I was an emotional basket case anyhow, and this act of love just set me off. What the students were saying was, "We know you're hurting, and we want to do something, but we don't know what to do. We hope this helps." On the first day back to school in January, in all my classes, I just stared at all my students with a loving smile on my face and said, "thanks." They gave (or pretended to give) no recognition of what I was talking about. And to this very day, I do not know who gave the gift! Another point that makes this story so phenomenal is that if I had read the story, say, a week before vacation, someone could have come up with the idea and organized a way to collect a dollar from each of my students. But whoever arranged this, arranged it during vacation time when the students were all at home. I don't know if it was one student, 20 students, or 200 students involved, and it really doesn't matter. They obviously understood the story of Barrington. A few times since, when I have been around adults who have been putting down teenagers, I have used this story to show them that there is another side. Every time I think of this story, I feel good all over, and I will carry it (thanks to them and to Colin) to my grave.

Having a handicapped child presents, understandably, some major challenges. It also demands a different set of expectations concerning the child. Where Erin, for instance, was a straight "A" student and excels at all she does and my other three sons were (and still are) very good students and very good athletes, Colin's retardation and physical problems profoundly limited him. That didn't mean, however, that he didn't contribute to the family in his own unique way. He was always happy, always smiling, and frequently laughing, and he taught us to appreciate the simpler things in life. He was a source of unity for us, an example of simplicity, a great gift from God. Corrigan, especially, seemed to almost idolize Colin. Every accomplishment became a big thing. The first time Colin pulled himself up to a kneeling position in front of the couch, for instance, Corrigan and Kenon went around bragging to all their friends as if Colin had just won an Olympic gold medal.


Kenon, Colin, and Corrigan in late 1984

As the years progressed, Colin of course grew, but not at a normal rate. At first, after his lip and palate were repaired, he looked fairly normal, and no one stared at him. Later on, however, it became increasingly obvious that he was different. That hurt, but not as much as I might have expected. He was really a cute little boy. His condition, trisomy 13, does not have a distinguishable look to it, as does its cousin condition, Down Syndrome (trisomy 21). Little kids would often stare at him, but I don't think anyone ever mistreated him.


Colin, at about age 2 (1986)

When he was about two, he went to school for a few hours each day at the Agency for Infant Development in Fremont. He received much stimulation and physical therapy there and made some friends, and this gave Claudia some much-deserved time for herself. She, by the way, educated herself thoroughly about the services available to the handicapped and their families, and she became a strong advocate for their rights. Colin later attended special classes at Portola and Christensen Schools, mainstream elementary schools, and had some wonderful teachers who loved him very much. Every day, a little yellow school bus, usually driven by Janet Risher, an important person in his life, would pick him up, along with his wheelchair. Colin would get so excited when he realized he was around other children. I can still picture him on the wheelchair lift going into the bus, grinning from ear to ear, and waving good-bye with his very skinny arm. What a joy he was, my little bud-bud! (Claudia called him her little "Col doll.")

I miss him. Lord, how I miss him!

And now I am going to skip to the end, and this -- like his whole life -- is going to be very hard, and yet very easy, to write about.

The date was August 3, 1991. We were into about our third day of hosting an exchange student, Jorge, from Spain, and the group was having a picnic for students and families at a park in nearby Pleasanton. The whole Willis family was there, as Erin and Robert were both home from Gonzaga University (Spokane, Washington) for the summer. The picnic was a potluck, and we played a long game of softball. Colin lay on a blanket and enjoyed all the activity around him. He also spent much time picking at the pieces of grass. For some reason, he really liked stringy things, and he loved to sit on my lap when I was flossing and try to grab the floss from me. He also loved to pull hair (thank God I'm bald), and that was his only irritating habit, a habit that caused quicker children to sometimes avoid him at school. I am right now picturing him in Claudia's arms, sucking on her chin and holding onto her hair with both hands. But back to the picnic. It proved to be his last meal, and I am so glad it was one where we were all together.

When we got back home, Claudia gave him his medicine, Depakote. He had been having myoclonic seizures (sometimes a hundred or more per day) for a year or so, and the doctors had prescribed Phenobarbital to combat them. However, in the months just prior, the seizure activity had picked up, and he was having a few grand mals. Those are horrible to witness, and I remember clearly how shook up Kenon and Corrigan got when their little brother experienced them. Apparently, the Phenobarb wasn't doing the job, and so his medication had been changed. Anyhow, Claudia gave him his medicine and put him to bed.


Colin and his favorite singer, his dad!

Because Erin was just finishing her third year away at college, Colin had had his own room for a while (Erin's room). He was still in a crib, and he and Erin shared a room that summer. She had gone to a movie that night with a friend, and she went to bed around 1:00. As was her custom, she checked on Colin at bedtime, tucking him in, fluffing his pillow, making sure he was covered, zipping up the dome tent over his crib. But that night was different, very different. She screamed and ran into our bedroom. Claudia rushed to Colin, pulled him from his crib, and applied CPR. But it was too late. It was too late! He was gone from us.

That was the longest and most painful night of my life. There was the initial flurry of activity, the weeping, the phone calls to the police, to our priest friend, Fr. Steve Swenson, to our mortician friend, Ross Hoblitzell. Fr. Steve administered the last rites, as if Colin needed them -- Colin, the only one of us who was without guilt or sin, the seemingly imperfect Colin who was as close to perfect as a human can be. But Fr. Steve's words were a comfort to us. After the firemen and police left, we had a quiet hour or so in the family room where each of us (his mother, father, sister, and three brothers) held him, prayed aloud or silently in our hearts, and said our last good-byes . Fr. Steve and Ross were also there to share the moment with us. I don't know how she knew it was the time, but suddenly, at about 3:30 that Sunday morning, Claudia stood up and handed Colin to Ross. Can you imagine how difficult it must have been for her to hand over her baby to someone else to carry out into the dark and out of his own home for the last time?

Ross told me a very interesting story a few days later. He said that when I called him around 1:30 that morning, he woke his wife, Barbara, and she told him to call her when it was time to come take Colin away. Apparently, this is traditionally done in some official mortuary vehicle. When Claudia handed Colin to Ross, however, what was he going to do -- hand him back and say, "Just a minute. I have to make a phone call"? When he and Fr. Steve walked out our front door with Colin, he turned to Fr. Steve and said, "This isn't the way we do this." Fr. Steve replied, "Well, this is the way you're doing it this time." They then placed Colin between them in the front seat of Ross' car and covered him with a blanket. What a wonderful image! Colin's last ride was between two friends, done with tenderness and dignity, not on some cold slab or stretcher in the back of a hearse. I am so thankful it happened that way!


Robert (age 14) and Claudia in 1986

About 7:00 that morning, Jorge, our Spanish exchange student, came blurry eyed out of his room and said, "good morning." It's hard to believe, but he had slept through all the commotion and didn't know what had happened. Claudia told him that the next few days would be very painful and we could probably find another place for him to stay. "Oh no," he said, "you are my family now. I'm glad I got a chance to meet Colin." Claudia would have fed him forever for saying that. He surely was no dummy!

The next few days were very busy around our house. There was a constant parade of people, bringing flowers, food, encouragement, and love. Of course, many arrangements had to be made: flowers, church service, mortuary, cemetery, pallbearers, etc. The pallbearers we chose were Dan Sapone, Will Sapone (age nine), Brad Morisoli, Diana Morisoli, Bob McAleer, and Janet Risher, Colin's bus driver. One funny thing happened when we chose those six. Claudia and I first asked Dan and Donna Sapone if they thought their nine-year-old son, Will, could handle being a pallbearer, and they agreed he could. When I asked Will, he said, "What's a pallbearer?" I told him that he had the opportunity to be one of the few lucky people to carry Colin on this his last and most important walk. Will said, "No problem. But why is it `pallbearer'? His name's not Paul; his name's Colin!" I then explained that a pall was a robe that hangs over a coffin. That gave Claudia a wonderful idea. We placed a white sheet on our dining room table, put colored felt pens nearby, and people who came over drew pictures or wrote good-byes to Colin on the sheet. It eventually was filled with color, with rainbows, with butterflies, and with loving messages. Erin drew a jigsaw puzzle, entitled "the Willis family." It had six pieces and one missing piece where the heart should be. Robert wrote, "Colin, have fun licking God." Colin, you see, loved to lick things and suck on things. He spent much of his time crawling around the family room and sliming everything in sight -- especially the sliding glass door and the refrigerator. As Claudia said, "He definitely tasted life." The sheet, by the way, draped over Colin's little coffin at the funeral. It is now one of our treasures.


Erin in 1986 (age 16)

Now to the funeral. When we arrived at St. Charles, we saw a large sign above the doorway, which read, "Welcome to a celebration of Colin's life." Also out front were three big posters filled with pictures of Colin with all the people important in his life. Everyone seemed to notice that he was smiling in every picture. That was the way he approached life!

On entering the church, we saw a marvelous thing. The church is usually set up in traditional fashion -- the altar up front and rows of chairs facing the altar. In the middle of the church is a fountain, and on Sundays we always sat on the center aisle in the middle of the church near the fountain. We would move a chair out and move Colin's wheelchair in. We did this because Colin loved the sound of the gurgling water. On that difficult day, August 7, the church had a new configuration -- the altar had been moved down to the center of the church, and the 500 or so chairs had been put in circular fashion surrounding the altar. This was done so that Colin could be in his place -- next to the fountain. What an act of love that was!

Early in the service, Claudia and I and our four remaining children put symbols of Colin on top of the pall resting on his coffin. We included his glasses, his tape recorder (he loved music), and his two favorite toys. One was a white ring with three colored rings attached to it, a toy that he sucked often and lovingly.

The music for the funeral was beautiful and extremely moving. I only wish there were a way for me now to type in the sounds. At least two of the songs cause me to immediately tear up even now, one year later. Each row of chairs had bunches of colorful helium balloons attached, and, of course, flowers were everywhere. Children played a large part in the service. At one point, they even did a little dance around his coffin, and I could almost sense Colin getting excited at their presence and beaming his infectious grin.

My sister, Lynn McAleer, and Claudia's dear friend, Donna Sapone, did the bible readings; Colin's godparents, Robbie and Jane Fowler, did the intercessory prayers; and Fr. Steve delivered a warm, healing homily. I especially loved the intercessory prayers, and here they are.

That through the example of Colin, we may all recognize, accept, appreciate, and love the differences we see in each other.

That we all can accept yet still strive to overcome our own handicaps.

In thanksgiving for the teachers, teacher aides, nurses, doctors, and bus drivers who have so lovingly looked out for and cared for Colin.

In thanksgiving for the faith, love, and support of our Christian community.

That we, through Colin's example, may feel a sense of excitement with the simple joys of life.

That more things, which initially seem so painful, turn out to be so beautiful.

In thanksgiving for family and for friends who share in times of sorrow as well as in times of joy.

For all special needs children and their families, that they might have hope, perseverance, and courage in meeting their challenges.

That the remembrance of Colin's smiling spirit will continue to bring a smile to all our hearts and to all our faces.

Near the end of the service, Fr. Steve invited people to come up to the pulpit if they wished. The first to rise was Dan Sapone.

Dan was about the only adult whom I would call Colin's friend. Everyone liked Colin, but Dan, a former teacher and now a technical editor at the Livermore National Laboratory, really loved Colin. Whenever he was around (and that was often), he always spent time with Colin, playing with him on the floor, throwing him in the air, etc. The very last picture we took of Colin was of him sitting on the couch asleep and leaning against Dan. Anyhow, Dan was the first to the podium.

Dan said, "Jim and Claudia have often been asked what it's like to raise a handicapped child. Well, it's like this. You and your wife (or husband) have often talked about the possibility of going to Italy. Many of your friends have come and gone to Italy, and they say it's such a wonderful experience. It's so fantastic to be able to see the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, the gondolas of Venice, etc. You debate back and forth because taking such a trip involves sacrifices. But you finally decide to do it. So you buy guide books, you learn the language, you purchase the plane tickets. The day for departure arrives, and you are so excited. You are about to experience a dream fulfilled at last. You board the plane, fly across the Atlantic, and when you land, the stewardess walks down the aisle and says `Welcome to Holland.' Your response is `Did you say Holland? There must be some mistake.' The stewardess replies, `Yes, you have landed in Holland, and here you must stay.' You are hurt, confused, scared, depressed, angry. You get out of the plane and look around. You don't see the Sistine Chapel or the gondolas of Venice, but what you see isn't disgusting; it's just different. And so you buy a new set of guide books, you learn a different language, and you meet people you never would have met otherwise. And as time goes on, you come to realize that Holland has tulips; Holland has windmills; Holland even has Rembrandts. And the rest of your life, as your friends come and go to Italy and talk about how wonderful it is, it hurts deeply because you've had a dream ripped away from you, and the loss of that dream can never, never be replaced. But if you spend the rest of your life bemoaning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you might not realize how beautiful it was -- in Holland." (Adapted from "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Perl.)

What a great story! A lady then walked up to the microphone and, with a thick Spanish accent, said, "I work in Holland." It was Rocio Smith, the director of Alameda County's Department for the Developmentally Disabled. She had been the head of the Fremont school where Colin had been a student . She mentioned that one of the sad things about her job was that she often had to attend children's funerals, but she had never been to one anywhere nearly as moving as Colin's.

She was followed by a teenager who had baby-sat Colin and an elderly lady who had been his nurse. Donna Sapone, Claudia's best friend, then presented a loving tribute to Colin and to Claudia's care for him. Among other things, she said, "I've heard Jim often refer to Colin as one of God's little spies." She then turned towards his coffin and said with a beautiful smile on her face, "Well, how did we do, Colin?"

I then delivered a short, for me, tribute to my youngest child. I said, "For years, I have heard people use the word special when referring to children like Colin, and I always thought it was a euphemism, a way of not having to say handicapped, disabled or retarded. How wrong I was. I have four normal children, and I had one special child. If I had been asked seven years ago if I would like to have such a child, I would have said, `Hell no. Who needs the pain?' But now that I have been through the experience, I realize that I was one of the few lucky enough to have such a child. Don't get me wrong -- having a special child includes many burdens, many heartaches, but even more rewards, and I wouldn't trade the experience of being Colin's father for anything in the world. He was special, and he made my life special." God, how I miss him.

My 19 year old son, Robert, then walked up to the pulpit. Claudia grabbed my arm tightly at the time because he was the one of our four children who didn't seem to be reacting to Colin's death, and we were worried about him. Corrigan, for instance, who is very effusive, was down in his room punching his wall and yelling on the day of Colin's death. But Robert seemed stone-faced and unmoved. We frankly thought he would be about the last person to get up to talk. Little did we know. When he got to the microphone, he momentarily stared around the church at the 500 or so people and said, "Thanks." Then after a long pause, he continued. "I want to thank anyone here who ever smiled at Colin, touched him, spoke to him, or made him laugh because, you see, he was a good little brother. And he did things for other people. He did things for me. He couldn't mow the lawn for me; he couldn't wash the dishes for me. Well, he could lick `em pretty good!" He went on and on in a humorous and loving tribute to his little brother, and we thought he wasn't reacting! We learned later that he had bought wrist sweatbands for members of his softball team and had Colin's initials, CW, put on them. We all react (and need to react) to tragedy in different ways.

I want all the family members to remember every detail of the funeral, and so I am including the program from the ceremony. Claudia and Donna Sapone put it together, with aid from Fr. Steve. The actual program sheet itself was filled with caricatures of Colin drawn by children.



A Celebration of Colin's Life

Chief Celebrant:

Fr. Steve Swenson
Concelebrants:

Msgr. Robert Adams, Frs. Leon Hooper, Jim Buckley, Dave McCarthy
Instrumental (as people gather):

by Vince Ghiraldi
Preparation for Prayer

Candles placed:
Mike and Diana Richards
Jim and Karen Spann
Frank and Diana Bentancourt
Colin comes in with friends:
Diana and Brad Morisoli
Dan and Will Sapone
Bob McAleer and Janet Risher
Wendy Celeste calls us to prayer through dance and mime
Opening Song:

"Sing of the Lord's Goodness" by Ernest Sands
Greeting:

Fr. Steve Swenson
Sprinkling, Covering of casket, Placing symbols:

family members
Opening Prayer

Liturgy of the Word

Wisdom 3: 1-3,6-9 -- Lynn McAleer
Responsorial:
"Send Us Your Spirit" -- by Dan Schutte
1 John 4: 9-10a, 11-13 -- Donna Sapone
Alleluia (Celtic):
by Fintan O'Carroll and Christopher Walker
movement with children
Gospel:
Matthew 18: 1-5, 10-11 -- Fr. Steve
Intercessions:
Robbie and Jane Fowler
sung response -- "Shepherd Me O God" by Marty Haugen
Liturgy of the Eucharist

Table Set:
"Eye Has Not Seen" by Marty Haugen
Gifts
Eucharistic Prayer:
Children's II
Antiphon:
"Sing We Now" by Dan Schutte
children invited around the table
Holy, Holy:
"Holy, Holy, Holy Lord" by Dan Schutte and Bob Dufford
Amen:
"Amen" by Bob Dufford
Lamb of God:
"Lamb of God" by John Michael Talbot
Communion

Eucharistic Ministers:
Wayne and Janie Wright, Dan Ridolfi and Kathy Brown, John Celeste and Fr. Steve
Communion Song:
"Here I am, Lord" by Dan Schutte
Communion
Meditation:
"Sing of Him" by Bob Dufford; sung by John Durden
Final Blessing

Dan Sapone:
"Welcome to Holland" by Emily Perl
Others:
may go to the microphone to talk about Colin
Recessional:

"City of God" by Dan Schutte
Fr. Steve:
incenses Colin
Balloon people :
Diana Richards, Diana Bentancourt, Peggy Staiano, Wendy Celeste, Karen Spann, Donna Sapone move to the center with the balloons
Fr. Steve invites:
Erin and Robert to gather mementos; Corrigan, Kenon, Ben Sapone, Matt Sapone to fold the pall and to give it to Jim and Claudia
Fr. Steve invites:
pall bearers forward
children to receive their balloons, follow Colin out, and keep their balloons until after the prayer at the cemetery
Procession group:

remain present for the first few verses of the song and then exit
Fr. Steve
Colin
Children
Instrumental until all are out




The Willis family in 1989

At the cemetery, Fr. Steve spoke some beautiful words of comfort, and while one of Colin's favorite songs (a song by Raffi) was playing, Claudia let go of her balloon. The rest of the family members did likewise, followed by the others present. As we then looked up into the bright, blue sky, we could see 200 or so colorful messages rising up into the heavens. It was quite a sight and quite a moment. I could hear sobbing all around me, and I heard people saying things like "Goodbye, Colin" and "He's yours, God. Take care of him." The moment was powerful; it was a catharsis.

A woman at the cemetery gave Claudia and me each a big hug and then told us that her daughter, a former student of mine, had not been inside a church for years and had sworn never to step inside a church again. She also had not spoken to her mother in months, but she was at the funeral because of us. She had been so moved by the ceremony that she had come up to her mother at the end, hugged her, and said, "Mom, we have to talk." Little St. Colin was already at work!

Another former student of mine called the day after the funeral and, among many other things, said, "Mr. Willis, I hope you are not offended by this, but I actually had a good time yesterday." Obviously, he got the idea.

A retired teacher told me that he and his wife were so moved by the service that they decided an element was missing from their lives and that, even though they were in their sixties, it was never too late to change. He said they were going to start looking for a church community to fit their needs and to which they could contribute. They were "unchurched" at the time.

My next door neighbor, Dick Jennings, a man nearing retirement, said, "You tell that priest of yours that I have not spent much time in churches, and the few times I have, I get real nervous after about 20 minutes. I looked at my watch near the end of the funeral, and I had been there almost two and a half hours and hadn't realized it. You tell your priest that."

Colin has touched many lives, and he will continue to do so. I talk about him in all my classes (both high school and college), and that leads to great philosophical discussions about how we treat people who are different, about suffering and how to grow from it and not let it destroy us, about the role of friends in our lives, about sacrifice, about love, about "you name it." I have also spoken to various church youth groups (Catholic, Presbyterian, and Lutheran) about Colin, and with them I have talked about how important faith is in dealing with such a loss.

Speaking of faith, on the morning of the funeral, Claudia's faith was being seriously tested. Our belief systems can be shattered (or strengthened) when we encounter suffering. She had been Colin's primary caregiver for seven years. Her life (and, in many ways, identity) had been wrapped up in Colin, and then he was gone. That morning, while she was walking around alone outside, she said, "Colin, let me know you're okay." Just then, a butterfly landed on her shoulder. Call it a miracle if you wish; call it a coincidence if you wish. I don't care. It happened, and it was wonderful. She now sees butterflies everywhere she goes. In fact, about six weeks later, while we were attending a Giants-Dodgers game at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, another butterfly paused in front of her for a time. What was a butterfly doing in the bleachers at Candlestick? Actually, the butterfly is the perfect image for Colin. He was a cute little caterpillar, crawling all over, and now he is a butterfly; butterflies are free. The symbol is most comforting.




I have one sister, Lynn, and one brother, Robert, nine years older than I. He is a psychotherapist and his wife, Pat, is the curator of rare books at the Beinecke Library at Yale. They live in Connecticut. A few hours after Colin's death, I tried to call them but reached an answering machine message that referred me to another psychologist. He then informed me that Robert and Pat had just left for vacation in Canada. By the time we finally tracked them down, it was just before the funeral, and Claudia told them that we had plenty of support from friends and other relatives and that they should not come to the funeral but instead should visit us at Christmas time when we could have a real visit. A week or so later, we sent them a videotaped copy of the funeral, and Robert then sent us the following letter.



Dear Claudia and Jim,

We got back home just before noon yesterday. Among the carton full of unessential mail, we discovered Colin's video. We watched -- or, should I say, tried to -- this morning. If Pat's sinuses were dripping before, she's flooded now.

Thank you for sharing the celebration with us. It's a rare privilege to be part of such love. My heart ached for you all, but it also swelled with gratitude. Colin couldn't have been blessed with more life than he enjoyed with you, his brothers and sister, your dear friends. And how could any community of faith have been more supportive?

Your taking special to mean miraculous, Jim, seems so true. That good-bye to him brought out the best from a race of humans not always marked by compassion, creativity, and selflessness. I don't know as infiltrator isn't better than spy.

I was especially touched by the place kids took throughout. Most often death leaves them out. But they need to say "so long," "thanks," and "remember when" too. And they have a right to know in their hearts that death does not mean abandonment nor "good-bye," "I'll forget." I was thrilled by the balloons they sent aloft, filled with spirit and alive with color: just like Colin. And I suspect he would have nothing to do with a dour God. I could well hear him agree with Zarathustra: "I should only believe in a God that would know how to dance," and "How many things are possible! So learn to laugh beyond yourselves! Lift up your hearts, ye good dancers, high! higher! And do not forget the good laughter.

I was thinking about the gifts that were brought to the altar. So often they lack what his toys are: presents from loved ones, presented to one loved, which make each present to the other, in a present that widens and stretches and never passes on. A moment of mutual touch creates a soul and molds a heart in the birth of an eternal hello. Presence remains simply present. Chronos bows before a greater god, Kairos: the former is empty, if flashing; the latter has fullness and body that have wonderful lasting power. Oh, how I love the reddest of roses!

I spent an afternoon thinking about and talking things over with Colin. He told me about his last night and the hard choice he had to make. He so much wanted to dance! I assured him that you desired that for him too. I also said I'd pass on to you what he decided and why. He didn't want you to think that he was abandoning you either.

Pat and I would like to join you, say on Thursday, December 26, to share a toast of celebration. What a dance is being danced . . .

Love,

Robert



The paragraph about his conversation with Colin was so comforting to Claudia, but I was naturally skeptical. Robert has special powers, and he is able to go deep within himself through meditation and leave the boundaries of time and/or space. Don't ask me how, but he does it. The next time we talked on the phone, Claudia said, "Well, I understand you talked with our boy." I got on and said, "Now, Robert, you know I'm very Aristotelian . . ." He laughed and said, "Do you mean did Colin and I have a conversation the way you and I are having one now? No, but we had a conversation." I have no reason to doubt him.

He also included a poem he had written, inspired by his conversation with Colin. Every time I read this poem, I burst into tears, and yet I also find it very comforting.



Colin's Choice

His room from sleeping blackness bursts alive
In dancing flames as rainbow lights appear.
They flicker, wheel, with jingling laughter dive
Before his breathless eyes. The dancer near

His ear begins to speak: "Hello, I know
Your silent plea for legs to run,
Wide fields to roam. Come, my friends will show
You dances, leaps, vast heavens full of fun."

The child laughed, then sighed: "I cannot leave
My family; they warm my heart." A flame
Of love then jumped in him. "I do believe
They share your life's desire; they wish the same."

The sparkling figure beckoned, "Follow me
Across bright meadows, your playful spirit free!"

His Uncle Bob
August 1991



Dan Sapone pointed out to me shortly after we received Robert's letter that the poem is a Shakespearean sonnet -- 14 lines, iambic pentameter, rhyme scheme of a, b, a, b/c, d, c, d/e, f, e, f/g, g. Not only is the poem inspiring. It is also carefully and lovingly crafted!

Claudia and I spent many hours trying to find the right thing to put on Colin's gravestone. We looked in Oxford's Quotes, Shakespeare, wrote our own tributes, but nothing seemed quite right. Finally, we found the perfect words. And they are the last line and a half of Robert's poem, "Follow me across bright meadows, your playful spirit free!" Those words not only apply to Colin, but they could be his invitation to the rest of us. Near the words, engraved in the stone, is an image of Colin, thick glasses and all, sitting on the lap of Jesus. Overhead is a butterfly. Claudia was the creative force behind those.




This past year has been very difficult for all of us. Every first has been tough -- his first birthday since his death, the first Christmas, the first Easter, this first anniversary. There is the saying that "Time heals all wounds," and I suppose it is true, but in some ways the sense of loss has seemed to increase throughout the year. I guess that's the price of love. The year has been especially tough for Claudia. Taking care of Colin was her occupation, her vocation, for almost seven years, and now he is gone. She has much more free time now, of course, but there is an accompanying guilt that goes with that. She will begin her junior year of college (at age 44) next month (September of 1992) at Cal State, Hayward, and we all hope that it will be a rewarding experience for her.

By the way, when an obituary appears in the newspaper, it often includes the mention of a favorite charity to which the family wishes donations sent. Claudia came up with a marvelous idea for Colin's obituary.

Kaleidoscope is an activity center in Dublin for handicapped children. We have set up a scholarship fund there for poor, handicapped kids who otherwise could not afford to use the center. The principal ($2,016.98 as of 5/26/95) cannot be touched, but the interest is used for such scholarships. Most of the money, by the way, has come in $1 or $2 donations from students of mine. It makes me very happy and very proud that because of Colin, many poor, handicapped children are able to have a good time. That is just another way that he can live on forever.

Colin Willis Scholarship Fund
Kaleidoscope Activity Center
3425 Larksdale Avenue
Dublin, CA 94568

I could go on and on about Colin, but it's time to close. I hope that my writing this encourages Claudia, Erin, Robert, Corrigan, and Kenon to do the same. Because my mother died when I was 16 and had been very sick most of those years, my memories of her are very, very dim, and I have to rely on others (my sister and brother primarily) for their memories and insights. I am not going to let that happen with Colin. I have written this to you, my little bud-bud, and about you -- lest we forget.



Kenon's Essays

Kenon, our youngest living son, wrote the following essay his senior year in high school as part of his application to Gonzaga University. He made me very proud.

A Pure Role Model

by Kenon Willis (12-1-97)

My community could use an introduction. If I could introduce my community to my role model, I definitely would. My role model is not older than I; in fact, he was five years younger than I. My role model is my younger brother, Colin. Born in 1984, he was diagnosed as having a rare syndrome called Trisomy 13. The syndrome included such symptoms as congenital heart problems, respiratory problems, mental retardation, and a short life span. So why would my younger brother who was born a special child make an impact on my community? Because he was just that, special. Colin is my role model and would be wonderful for any community to see because he overlooked all of his own disabilities, loved life, and enjoyed every moment it had to offer.

Sometimes when I feel down about a bad grade, a long day, or a cumbersome chore, I think of Colin. I think of how relatively minute my problems are in comparison to Colin’s. Then I think of his smile that was so wide and nearly always present on his chubby, cherubic face and realize that my problems are not worthy of such anxiety and complaint. Why should I feel glum and in turn disrespect my parents, a teacher, or a friend over such a petty problem when Colin was always happy despite his life threatening ordeals? At times, I imagine Colin asking me such a question, and it always seems to change my mood.

I believe that my feelings about Colin and all he has taught me are shared by many others. I believe that Colin impacted the outlook of anyone he ever touched. From family to friends, teachers to strangers, and old ones to young ones, Colin provided an example of courage and integrity. I strongly feel that with every person he impacted, the world became a better place in which to live. I only wish I could bring Colin back and let him do his redemptive work on more members of my community.

Although Colin died in the summer of 1991 at the age of six, I believe his influence lives in the many hearts that he touched, and I know that his life has had a profound impact upon me and upon my self. Life is short and should be enjoyed, or it is meaningless. I believe that if Colin could ever have talked, he would have said something of that nature. And although he never did talk, he did communicate through his actions, and I believe that he portrayed such a message. And that, I will never forget.



Hebrews, Scholarships, and Hot Dogs

Kenon has always been a good writer. In the Fall of 1989, shortly after he turned ten, he entered a national essay contest, sponsored by Hebrew National Hot Dogs and National Foods. That next summer, he was named the national winner out of thousands of entrants. The topic, by the way, was "How will a higher education make me a higher authority?" The grand prize was $10,000!

Education and Authority


by Kenon Willis

A higher education will make me a higher authority because now I don’t have any authority at all. Sometimes, when Dad says, "no," and I argue, he says, "I’m the authority around here," or "you don’t know what you’re talking about," or "you’ll understand when you’re older." I guess someday I’ll know what I’m talking about, and I’ll understand, and then I’ll be an authority. Also, Mom sometimes says, "you don’t have the authority to do that." Authority must mean power. College will give me knowledge, and knowledge is power, and power brings authority, and so college will make me a higher authority. all right!

A higher education will make me a higher authority because now I have no authority, am not an authority on any subject, but my parents have authority over me and are both considered authorities in some areas. They are not necessarily brighter than I am; they have stronger credentials because of age, experience and, principally, education. Higher education will make me an expert in some field someday, and that expertise will give me authority and, more importantly, will make me an authority in some subject area. Then people will more readily listen to me because I will be labeled an "authority." I will then make the world a better place.

Stories

Barrington Bunny
(excerpted from)
The Way of the Wolf

by Martin Bell

Once upon a time, in a large forest, there lived a very furry bunny. He had one lop ear, a tiny black nose, and unusually shiny eyes. His name was Barrington. Barrington was not really a very handsome bunny. He was brown and speckled, and his ears didn't stand up right. But he could hop, and he was, as I have said, very furry.

In a way, winter is fun for bunnies. After all, it gives them an opportunity to hop in the snow and then turn around to see where they have hopped. So, in a way, winter was fun for Barrington.

But in another way, winter made Barrington sad. For, you see, winter marked the time when all of the animal families got together in their cozy homes to celebrate Christmas. He could hop, and he was very furry. But as far as Barrington knew, he was the only bunny in the forest. When Christmas Eve finally came, Barrington did not feel like going home all by himself. So he decided he would hop for awhile in the clearing in the center of the forest.

Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Barrington made tracks in the fresh snow. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Then he cocked his head and looked back at the wonderful designs he had made.

"Bunnies," he thought to himself, "can hop. And they are very warm, too, because of how furry they are." (But Barrington didn’t really know whether or not this was true of all bunnies, since he had never met another bunny.)

When it got too dark to see the tracks he was making, Barrington made up his mind to go home. On his way, however, he passed a large oak tree. High in the branches, there was a great deal of excited chattering going on. Barrington looked up. It was a squirrel family! What a marvelous time they seemed to be having.

"Hello, up there," called Barrington.

"Hello, down there," came the reply.

"Having a Christmas party?" asked Barrington.

"Oh, yes!" answered the squirrels. "It’s Christmas Eve. Everybody is having a Christmas party!"

"May I come to your party?" said Barrington softly.



"Are you a squirrel?"

"No."

"What are you, then?"

"A bunny."

"A bunny?"

"Yes."

"Well, how can you come to the party if you’re a bunny? Bunnies can’t climb trees."

"That’s true," said Barrington thoughtfully. "But I can hop, and I’m very furry and warm."



"We’re sorry," called the squirrels. "We don’t know anything about hopping and being furry, but we do know that in order to come to our house, you have to be able to climb trees."

"Oh, well," said Barrington. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," chattered the squirrels.

And the unfortunate bunny hopped off toward his tiny house. It was beginning to snow when Barrington reached the river. Near the river bank was a wonderfully constructed house of sticks and mud. Inside there was singing.

"It’s the beavers," thought Barrington. "Maybe they will let me come to their party." And so he knocked on the door.

"Who’s out there?" called a voice.

"Barrington Bunny," he replied. There was a long pause and then a shiny beaver head broke the water.

"Hello, Barrington," said the beaver.

"May I come to your Christmas Party?" asked Barrington.

The beaver thought for awhile, and then he said, "I suppose so. Do you know how to swim?"

"No," said Barrington, "but I can hop, and I am very furry and warm."

"Sorry," said the beaver. "I don’t know anything about hopping and being furry, but I do know that in order to come to our house, you have to be able to swim."



"Oh, well," Barrington muttered, his eyes filling with tears. "I suppose that’s true — Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," called the beaver. And he disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

Even being as furry as he was, Barrington was beginning to get cold. And the snow was falling so hard that his tiny, bunny eyes could scarcely see what was ahead of him. He was almost home, however, when he heard the excited squeaking of field mice beneath the ground. "It’s a party," thought Barrington. And suddenly he blurted out through his tears, "Hello, field mice. This is Barrington Bunny. May I come to your party?" But the wind was howling so loudly and Barrington was sobbing so much that no one heard him. And when there was no response at all, Barrington just sat down in the snow and began to cry with all his might.

"Bunnies," he thought, "aren’t any good to anyone. What good is it to be furry and to be able to hop if you don’t have any family on Christmas Eve?" Barrington cried and cried. When he stopped crying, he began to bite on his bunny’s foot, but he did not move from where he was sitting in the snow. Suddenly, Barrington was aware that he was not alone. He looked up and strained his shiny eyes to see who was there. To his surprise, he saw a great silver wolf. The wolf was large and strong, and his eyes flashed fire. He was the most beautiful animal Barrington had ever seen.




For a long time, the silver wolf didn’t say anything at all. He just stood there and looked at Barrington with those terrible eyes.

Then slowly and deliberately the wolf spoke. Barrington," he asked in a gentle voice, "why are you sitting in the snow?"

"Because it’s Christmas Eve," said Barrington, "and I don’t have any family, and bunnies aren’t any good to anyone."

"Bunnies are, too, good," said the wolf. "Bunnies can hop, and they are very warm."

"What good is that?" Barrington sniffed.

"It is very good indeed," the wolf went on, "because it is a gift that bunnies are given, a free gift with no strings attached. And every gift that is given to anyone is given for a reason. Someday you will see why it is good to hop and to be warm and furry."

"But it’s Christmas," moaned Barrington, "and I’m all alone. I don’t have any family at all."

"Of course you do," replied the great silver wolf. "All of the animals in the forest are your family."

And then the wolf disappeared. He simply wasn’t there. Barrington had only blinked his eyes, and when he looked — the wolf was gone.

"All of the animals in the forest are my family," thought Barrington. "It’s good to be a bunny. Bunnies can hop. That’s a gift." And then he said it again. "A gift. A free gift."

On into the night, Barrington worked. First he found the best stick that he could. (And that was difficult because of the snow.) Then hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. To beaver’s house. He left the stick just outside the door. With a note on it that read: "Here is a good stick for your house. It is a gift. A free gift. No strings attached. Signed, a member of your family."

"It is a good thing that I can hop," he thought, "because the snow is very deep." Then Barrington dug and dug. Soon he had gathered together enough dead leaves and grass to make the squirrels’ nest warmer. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. He laid the grass and leaves just under the large oak tree and attached this message: "A gift. A free gift. From a member of your family."

It was late when Barrington finally started home. And what make things worse was that he knew a blizzard was beginning. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Soon poor Barrington was lost. The wind howled furiously, and it was very, very cold. "It certainly is cold," he said out loud. "It’s a good thing I’m so furry. But if I don’t find my way home pretty soon, even I might freeze!"

"Squeak. Squeak...."

And then he saw it — a baby field mouse lost in the snow. And the little mouse was crying. "Hello, little mouse," Barrington called. "Don’t cry. I’ll be right there." Hippity-hop, and Barrington was beside the tiny mouse.

"I’m lost," sobbed the little fellow. "I’ll never find my way home, and I know I’m going to freeze."
"You won’t freeze," said Barrington. "I’m a bunny, and bunnies are very furry and warm. You stay right where you are, and I’ll cover you up."

Barrington lay on top of the little mouse and hugged him tight. The tiny fellow felt himself surrounded by warm fur. He cried for awhile, but soon, snug and warm, he fell asleep. Barrington had only two thoughts that long, cold night. First he thought, "It’s good to be a bunny. Bunnies are very furry and warm." And then, when he felt the heart of the tiny mouse beneath him beating regularly, he thought, "All of the animals in the forest are my family."

Next morning, the field mice found their little boy, asleep in the snow, warm and snug beneath the furry carcass of a dead bunny. Their relief and excitement were so great that they didn’t even think to question where the bunny had come from. And as for the beavers and the squirrels, they still wonder which member of their family left the little gifts for them that Christmas Eve. After the field mice had left, Barrington’s frozen body simply lay in the snow. There was no sound except that of the howling wind. And no one anywhere in the forest noticed the great silver wolf who came to stand beside that brown, lop-eared carcass.

But the wolf did come.
And he stood there.
Without moving or saying a word.
All Christmas Day.
Until it was night.
And then he disappeared into the forest.

Parables by my brother, Robert J. Willis


"Mr. Rose"
by Robert J. Willis, S.J.



Alone, all alone, he sighed. Why him - why did he have to be a rose anyway? Why couldn't he be -laughter broke through his sad reflectings - yes, like them? That's right! Why couldn't he be a daffodil?

Lifting his drooping red head, he gazed longingly across his stony field, over the wire fence, into the luscious green meadow. How beautiful they are, all yellow and bright, and how dismal my deep red outfit when compared to theirs. And their stems - so straight and smooth, so full, such a pleasant green! An almost furtive glance down at his own stem, twisted and pocked and simply loaded with those ugly, hurting old thorns brought tears to his eyes. Quickly he shook his head, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed. Oh well, they'd probably just think it was dew.

Me - them: that's what hurts most. They stand together, happy and laughing and free, enjoying each other. I spend my life hiding by this rock, unhappy and by myself. If I only weren't so ugly, I'd be with them. I could be fun, the life of the party, bright and... if I just weren't a miserable old rose.

"Pardon me, sir. Pardon me." Jerking his head so fast he almost fell over backwards, he found himself looking into the face of a lovely young lady.



"Who are you?" he gasped.

"I'm from the great king. You, out of all his subjects, have been chosen "king for a day!" Remember that contest, those stamps? Well, you've won!"

He gulped. hardly daring to speak, he whispered, "What do I get? (Nothing much," he thought to himself, "with my luck.")

Her eyes glinting, the lady whispered back into his ear, "I can give you two wonderful gifts - one now, one at midnight. Now, you can be wherever you wish. Then, at midnight, you can be whoever you wish, forever."

Could he believe his ears - wherever, whoever? In his imagination, he saw the waving, happy, laughing daffodils, and himself in the middle of them, wearing a sparkly yellow coat. Hardly thinking, he blurted out, "I want to be there with them!"



"Hi, rose. Who are you? Where did you come from? Never mind. Come and dance and sing, laugh, and jump and play." And so he did. Never had he had such fun, felt so good, so "one of the gang."

And at midnight, it's his forever! No more a rose he.

Then it happened! "Help! Run! It's the beast! We'll be trampled to death!" Starting up from his play, the rose saw a huge figure bearing down upon them. Suddenly, almost reflexively, he jumped in front of his friends and swung his thorny stem. It wasn't going to hurt his friends! Smack - right on the nose! With a wild yelp, the attacker veered to the right, and, as suddenly as it had appeared, it was gone.

His red anger subsiding, his breath returning, he turned around to face a crowd of silent daffodils, transfixed with fear and horror. At their feet lay one of their number, stem broken, head crushed into the dirt, dead.

Tears rose from his loving red heart, strength from his deep red pain. Silently, he buried the so-young daffodil; quietly, he moved among his frozen friends. Wherever he moved, he brought his comfort, his understanding, his tears.

Night fell - quiet, finally. The daffodils huddled around him for safety and sleep. He would protect, be brave, be strong. After all, he's a rose!

At midnight, the lovely lady returned. She smiled when she saw all the daffodils nestled up so close to him, sleeping under his watchful eye. "Well, Mr. Rose, I'm back. Your wish is my command. Who do you want to be?" She stopped, smiled, waited.

Who did he want to be? His mind flitted back over the day - the laughter and play, his battle with the animal, his fight with fear and death. Then he looked at his new-found friends, so glad that he's a rose.

His gaze wandered to himself - his thorny, sturdy stem that had saved the day, his red coat so filled with the pain of love, his eyes ready to flame with anger or cry with another's pain. Slowly he lifted his head, took a deep breath.

"Young lady, I just want to be me."

With a kind, understanding smile, she nodded. "Sir, you finally are."





"The Doorway"

by Robert J. Willis, S.J.

Once there was a little man, one foot high. He lived in a warm, well-lit, tiny room - his home. He loved his life - flourescent lights, bright yellow walls, no windows to clean or furniture to dust or unknown corners to discover. How wonderfully certain, how bright and clean!

Every day - at dawn, at noon, at sunset - he pursued his life's work unfailingly, as he had for years. Moving always to the right, three trips a day, he explored his world. Explored? Well, revisited. Walking ever so slowly, he counted up his life encounters: this wall, all yellow except for two pencil marks from another age; this one, with some missing plaster and two large scuff marks (grinning, he recalled how once he had somehow slipped); this third, his pride and joy - so smooth, unblemished, unmarked by time; this last, so like the others but so much more, because it was the last, signalling approaching accomplishment and rest.

One day, on completing his rounds, he rested - but not really. He was troubled, unaccountably. His home had somehow been becoming, for weeks now, too stuffy, too warm, too bright, too known. Feelings of ennui enveloped him. He was so unchallenged. He felt his life draining away, leaving a tired, so very tired body and mind, shrinking to the size of his unused heart. And so he sat and sighed.

Disturbingly, yes, very disturbingly, a feeling and an image kept constantly, even vociferously, intruding. The feeling? - fear, an uncomfortable, screaming sort of thing; the image? - a small door nestled in the corner between walls two and three. Haunting! Oh, he had known it before. Once, years before, he had looked at that door, but since then his eyes were either tightly closed or seeking the ceiling as he passed by that disturbing knob. For so long he had forgotten it, had mechanically avoided it. But today his growing uneasiness had overwhelmed him, had broken through his pattern. He saw the door. And he was afraid.





Why afraid? - because he somehow knew that door could open, could lead somewhere, could offer newness, and discovery, and uncertainty. Why afraid? - because volcanically he was hearing, "My tiny room is too tiny. I can't breathe!" And he could leave.

Days passed. Days of growing restlessness passed. His rounds became faster, less satisfying. His room kept closing in, the air heavy and sticky and warm. In his imagination, he became a big cat - his rounds, prowls - his uneasiness filled with tension, sinister, foreboding. Then finally - oh, God - explosion! The hungry cat, uncoiling, releasing hurting tension, sprang to the door, wrenched it open, and screamed. For there was dark.



Recoiling, shaking, crouching, eyes frantically closing-opening, closing-opening. But the door stayed open, and he didn't run. Finally he just stayed and looked.

The tremors quieted with time. He straightened up. Slowly he approached the dark. As he stood at that light-dark threshhold, miraculously the dark became less dark, the less dark less frightening. He stood there a long, long time. Then he began a new walk - six feet tall!



The Barge People

James Carroll

The city was sleeping when the large river barge crawled quietly into the night. No one noticed the arrival of the boat, and certainly no one noticed that night that it was a river vessel unlike any other. It was long and narrow like the others. It was flat bottomed like the others for passing through the low locks and shallow canals of the inland waterways. Like many other barges, it had a narrow, pointed prow for ocean travel. It was moving south with the river current toward the sea when it pulled quietly into the sleeping city.

Though this particular river barge looked like any other, it was in fact quite unique. What made it so was this: other barges carry much cargo and a few people. This one carried a little cargo, mainly food, and many people. They were young and old, men and women, lighthearted and down, strange and very ordinary. They lived on the barge and in it, on the flat deck with blankets only, in the cabins below if it rained. Mainly, though, they lived in the lives of each other. They were the barge people.

The morning after they arrived, some of the barge people went into the city. The city itself still had not taken note of the vessel, for many barges stopped there on the way to the sea. Some of the barge people went to the stores of the city to buy food and drink for all the rest. But the others who went ashore scattered in the city. They wandered down the back streets of the place. They went into the dark corners of the place. And they all did the same thing. When one of the barge people saw a man lying in the back street, or a man looking for food in the cans of garbage, or a man with a lost light in his eye, he would approach and say, "Hello, I’m just off the barge on the river. We could use you to replace a man who’s leaving us today. We are going to the sea."

Invariably, because of the way it was said and because of the sea, the poor or the hungry or the lost man would lift himself up and nod in some way and follow. And so it was that by noon of the day after the night they had come into the city, the barge people who had gone ashore returned. Each brought one of the city people with him. Each of the city people was shown his sleeping place, given something to eat and told about the voyage to the beautiful sea. All of this was done by the person from the barge who had invited him aboard.

When dusk was near and the barge was about to move on, everyone gathered on the deck. The barge people who had gone into the city that morning began to say farewell to the other barge people. The city people came to understand that their special hosts, the ones who’d found them and brought them back, were leaving the barge, would not go on to the sea. One of the city people, and old man who was sick, approached one of the barge people and asked why the others were leaving. He was told that there was not room enough for them to stay. They had to remain in the city. The old man objected and said that in such a case, the city people should be the ones to leave. He was told that the barge had come to the city for them and that the barge people wanted it so. The old man said then that the sea and hoping for it was too precious, and they should be able to get there. But the barge person to whom he objected said only, "Yes, but perhaps there will be another barge to the sea for them someday."

And so it was that the strange vessel moved on in the current of the river, with its cargo of people, some of the city, and some, of course, still of the barge itself. The city people grew more and more enchanted by their barge-vision of the sea. They yearned for the open space of unbroken horizons. They craved the blue stretch of air without poison. They longed for the silence of sea gulls only and waves. Every day, the city people grew more and more to love the barge, its people, and the hope it had given them.

As the barge flowed its way toward the sea, it passed through several other cities. At each one, the vessel stopped. At each one, some of the barge people went ashore for food and drink. At each one, some of the barge people went ashore for the lost ones of the city. The exchange of the first ashore was repeated again and again, so that, as the barge moved closer to the sea, there were fewer and fewer barge people and more and more city people. And each time that the barge moved on, someone told a worried newcomer, "Perhaps there will be another barge to the sea for them someday."

One morning, after a long time and much thick water had passed, a gull appeared above the barge, then two, then many. The sea at last was near. The word passed quickly through the vessel, over its deck and through all its cabins. The people rushed to the open surface of the barge. They were alive with laughter and excitement. They would live through a wish fulfilled at last. As the barge rounded a final turn in the river, the rich blue of ocean broke into the muddy water ahead. The barge was moving with the current into the mouth of the river. The river was pouring itself out into freedom.

An old man who came from a back street of the first city was the first of the people to notice. He saw that there was an inland waterway channel to the left ahead, and he was looking for the barge man on the tiller. He wanted to watch the turning out to sea. But there was no barge man on the tiller. The old man looked across the crowd and saw that there was no barge man anywhere on the barge. The barge people were gone. Only the city people remained.

The old man screamed, his voice shrill and sudden and more alive than he was. The city people were stunned. They turned from looking at the ocean to look at him. No one spoke. The old man moved his eyes again across the crowd to the inland channel ahead, back across the crowd and to the tiller. The city people turned toward the sea again. The barge was moving away from the last inland channel.

Still no one spoke. Each of the people thought of the sea, of his city of before, of the barge person in whose place he slept, and of the empty-handed tiller behind. At that moment, just a short time after the old man screamed, all the city people moved slowly together to the left side of the barge. Such a delicate shifting of weight was it that the strange vessel itself turned slightly to the left. Not much of a turn - just enough to turn the barge inland again to the cities instead of to the sea. Not much of a turn - just enough to turn the city crowd into barge people.



Miscellaneous

How to Write Good.

1. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

2. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

3. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

4. It is wrong ever to split an infinitive.

5. Contractions aren't necessary.

6. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

7. One should never generalize.

8. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

9. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

10. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

11. Profanity sucks.

12. Be more or less specific.

13. Understatement is always best.

14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical sentences?

21. Avoid alliteration. Always.

22. Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.

23. Employ the vernacular.

24. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

25. No sentence fragments.

26. It behooves us to avoid archaisms.

27. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.

28. Don’t use no double negatives.

29. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: Resist hyperbole.

30. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

31. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

32. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

33. Writing carefully, dangling participles should not be used.

34. Kill all exclamation points!!!

35. Never use a long word where a diminutive one will do.

36. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

37. Take the bull by the hand, and don’t mix metaphors.

38. Don’t verb nouns.

39. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

40. Last but not least, and if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, avoid cliches like the plague.

The World According To Student Bloopers

by Richard Lederer (St. Paul's School)

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to lie elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guiness, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother’s son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. Pharaoh forced he Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history. The Greek invented three kinds of columns-Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men. Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Greeks.

History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil time most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head. The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him he father if the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another Important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors. In one of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of he Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was president, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by singing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it

represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and the nipped at Napoleon’s flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted< an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t bear children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.



Country Western Titles

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.

24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her heart Was Pure.

23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.

21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal.

20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.

19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.

13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).

10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.

8. Please Bypass This Heart.

7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.

5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.

4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

And the Number 1 Country and Western song title of all time is:

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few.

Dedication

.

Students and teachers who became and remained my good friends - Martha Eddleman, Clay Felicitas, Robbie Fowler, Khalid Hamidi, Diana Kelley, Anne Lindl, Howie Marion, Brad Morisoli, Kelly Morisoli, Kevin Morisoli, Kayla Morisoli,Kelly O’Gara, Wendy Robson, Ben Sapone, Matt Sapone, Will Sapone, James Tarver, Bill Whalen, Erin Willis, Robert Willis, Corrigan Willis, Kenon Willis. I love you guys!

THE END

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